PublicDisplayofAffection

It's 2012 already?

2012-01-01T18:28:00.007+08:00

How was it that my 2011 new year post felt like it was written just say, 1 week ago? My admiration for Jason Mraz and his way of life still resonates with me with 'freshness'. Even though it's hard to follow him since he shut down his blog midway through the year.

Happy Now Year, because "new" has a future connotation to it and we live in the present. (: Today is 2012 new year's day, let me add on to his statement: Happy Now & New Year, here's wishing everything that will happen for the next 365 days will be new and sparkly, living life for the moment - now, and still see life through a baby's eyes - new, never losing appreciation for life.

I thought hard of what should my new year resolutions be. But I figured that I have to look back and see if I have accomplished my past year's resolutions before making new ones. Found my little notebook. Here was what I wrote (rephrased):

2010:

1) Finished sewing classes

2) Have $X in my bank account

3) Own a shopping site

4) Wear braces

5) added in may - quit my job in schroders and start website

Sadly, all I did was 2) and 5). Then 2011 came too soon.

2011:

1) Do lasik and braces

2) Work in ecommerce firm + study php

3) New skincare for anti-ageing

4) Own a website

I STILL did not do braces and own a website. If I haven't written them down, I would not realise that it has been 2 years and I have not gotten down to doing something I set out to do. What was stopping me? Anyways, I did complete 2) and 3), and also half of 1) which is lasik. I guess working in an ecommerce firm would be the more major 'achievement' for me in 2011. If fact, an internet marketing firm is better than an ecommerce firm. I had started out aiming to progress and be promoted by the end of the year.

I studied hard and worked hard to prove myself. Sep through to Nov, I thought I was not coping so well anymore. I was neglecting some part of my work because I became too swamped and caught up with a certain aspect of work. Felt frustrated and even dreaded work. Then came my 1 week break to NZ. Dec was a good month as things slowed down, people going off on annual leaves and the festive mood all around. I need to reorganise myself at work and make better decisions so that I can spend time on more important things. Regardless, I took home 'best improvement in Q3' and company gave out bonus and all, so I guess it's a tiny tick on my list to be recognised by the end of the year. I just need to do better than my last quarter in this new year.

With all said, it's time to write my 2012 list. So here goes -

1) Braces??/ Holiday

2) Website.

3) Upgrade myself - finished the 4 books recommended by company

4) Learn Guitar - added after

5) Pick up new hobby/sport - added after

My list just becomes shorter and shorter... I think these 3 would occupy me for a year if I really set out to do them. I'm half-hearted for braces, cause it's either braces or a holiday... and I really will love to go back NZ... although they really are mutually exclusive and the satisfaction cannot be compared with one another.

Looking back, 2011 could be one of my best year. I had a smooth sailing time relationship wise, I learnt new things and I am actually progressing instead of still finding a direction in life. Such that I found time and passion for other things in life periodically through the year, taking up and liking kickboxing, experiencing a rock concert with my fav rock band LP, read and got d

rawn into twilight the book, watched and fell in love with the korean drama 'Secret Garden' which spurred me to learn guitar afterwards so I can play a piece for bf's birthday. Even the May GE had me very involved emotionally, and became one of the common talking point with people. These OOTM (obsession of the moment) as I coined it, enrich my life and adds spontaneity.

Many first times this year, other than the above mentioned, I attended a social fashion party which led me to go gaga over the amazingly humorous and boyish george young for almost a week (if any girl hasn't experience being swept off her feet by meeting a new guy, then it's an experience worth keeping a lookout for), I skydive in NZ, I conquered my fear and went for Lasik in the start of the year, I even got so drunk and still went to work after 3-4 hrs of slp on a weekday in april/ma, still very much intoxicated. I begun meeting and working with director-level clients. Life has taken a whole new meaning for me this year, which I could not experience in my entire schooling life because I was too comfortable just being a student, and not being a very good one either. I even had a change in taste for music, all my life since I start indulging in music, using music as a safe haven, suddenly music is just music and do not resonates so much with my emotional level anymore. Maybe I grew out of my teenage angst and emotions. I feel better with quiet and chill-out songs when I need some noise. I believe the genre is 'indie'.

So much changed and happened in 2011.. I wonder what 2012 holds for me. Most importantly, I hope that I live through everyday of the year and continue to feel thankful for the life that is given to me. I want to still see the world change and evolve around me. I want to do even better in 2012.

With renewed hopes and energy, may the best has yet to come.

New job with online marketing

2011-02-15T22:36:00.004+08:00

I was paranoid for a second.

I google searched my name and was thankful and relieved to see that my blog did not appear on the 1st 2 pages of google. Although I have made it public a while back cause I've nothing private that I will be ashamed of or want to hide anymore, but...

I'm in an internet marketing company. Where:

- I have 3 bosses whose age is the same as my brother's.

- On my first day I had to give them my msn and facebook.

- I attend training classes whereby my trainer talks about google search and how out of 10 internet users, 8 starts their session from a search engine. (and google takes up a huge pie of it, about 70%)

- I am taught how to study keywords that people type on search bar. study analyse and come up with all kinds of combinations and variations i can think of.

So can't blame me for being paranoid that any of my bosses would have already google searched me.. if they have.. Hi!! Rest assured I am still aware that anything published in the web is public and I will not hide behind the computer screen and have a false sense of security that my words will be hidden from the rest of the world... (although I have always felt so. and lesson #38.2312: if you are not visible, you are invisible on the web)

Decided to blog today cause, firstly, i reached home at 715 and i have been knocking off at 6. love it and not used to it. maybe dislike it a little cause i haven done any proper work 5 days into the job. only because company is giving me time for training which is good but i feel weird not rushing into office first thing in the morning, switch on my pc, check my thousands of emails and clear my inbox, and having my ass glued to the seat till lunch or even for the rest of the day. secondly, i reread my jan post which wasnt too long ago, but i feel like a different person from then already. Then, i was jobless. Zero personal growth unless you count reading marketing and programming books. and thinking up of how to make my dream a reality. Now, i met someone (my trainer and mentor) at work who is intellectual and funny at the same time. just when i had lamented in the previous post that there isn't someone like that around me. who can influence me positively. i think it's just pure luck and fortune that i get to train and know someone like that. someone with a wealth of knowledge that i always feel like i should stand by my notebook and pen whenever he starts to speak. even casually over lunch. i'll be good if i have 1% of his wisdom.

i have many books to read. i will have discipline and digest them one by one.. i swear to make good use of my time, cause i'm trading time for money. more time, less money.

when i feel the heartache of my paycut, i will read and enrich myself.

Happy Now Year... because we live in the present.

2011-01-21T02:08:00.003+08:00

According to Jason Mraz anyway. He's the wordplay genius. He says the word 'new' has a future connotation to it because it has not happened. but because we live in the present everything happening now should be now, not new. ha ha.

So actually I should be sleeping at this time. but this time also happens to be my most pensive time of the day.

I know I'm like a 'live your passion and not work for money' advocate all the time. But now i really feel the pinch. I've taken on a job that I think would allow me to learn what I want but at a much lesser pay than what I was earning and what I could have earn if i continue on. or changed company in the same field. I have multiple fears that I'm trying to ignore and downplay by reminding myself of the good points. Fears like, what if a few years down the road my achievements on the career ladder is incomparable with my peers. I know I will feel terrible if I know someone my age is earning 4 to 5k on avg when I'm still struggling with an entry level pay. I guess this will happen no matter where I head towards.. Some just becomes more successful and some just gets stuck with slow progression. Now i feel foolish just voicing my fears out. Why compare? Like what bf said, just do what I want and don't worry about money.. Only people who doesn't worry about money and live their dreams get to make it big. and at the most... he will provide for me. ha ha ha. no he did not say that. he said at the most just work harder. ):

I need to believe in myself, and in order to make me believe in myself, I need to motivate myself. Surround myself constantly with positive energy. I'm so hooked on Jason Mraz's blog posts that I'm beginning to feel that he should represent a religion, or a teaching. Following a living person spreading positive vibes to people surrounding him is way more realistic than following teachings and religions handed down by god knows who and from god knows how many centuries ago and hence how reliable is it.

So in 2011, he will be my beacon of light. I will absorb all positive thinkings from him. I will motivate myself so I have reasons to believe that I can make it, someday somehow. Never thought I will say this, but I am thankful for facebook. if not for facebook, i will never have found jason mraz's beautiful writings. and he cracks me up with his shoutouts. AND he's so sweet when he talks about his fiancee. (melts) I think being intellectual and funny at the same time are the 2 qualities in men that I will always adore. Not many around, sadly.

January Report Card:

new phone

new laptop

new vision

new job

new inspirational figure

February and beyond:

Aim to acquire new knowledge,

new website

new skincare/clothes

new presents for loved ones.

I see a good year ahead. (((:

Positive thinker

2011-01-19T20:04:00.002+08:00

"I had frustration, stress, chest pain, you name it. It was the result of having an expectation versus possibility. When an expectation fails, you’re rewarded with a good old-fashioned upset. But when a possibility fails, all you’re left with is more possibility. This Possibility vs. Expectation is a simple transformative tool that can keep you from bloodying your knuckles when something goes awry. I highly recommend it."

-Jason Mraz-

He's my role model in life. I can totally see why Anthony Neely worships him so much. Sad to say, there are few such characters around us. Or maybe I'm still around younger minds?

Reminder to self: When expectation fails, consider the possibilities instead of beating others (or myself) over it.

20 Random Things About Me - 2011

2011-01-08T02:24:00.004+08:00

First post of the year...

Feeling rather restless now although it's my bedtime now for the past few days. So I'll do something fun I saw from FB. Here goes.

1) I fret over my complexion ever since I realise no products can get me back my smooth firm complexion before 21. (Top concern)

2) I like to meet new people and make new friends. And stay in touch with people whom I feel good around.

3) I love most kinds of music because I love music. For me, music makes all kinds of emotions beautiful, be it sorrow, anger or happiness.

4) I fulfill a typical trait of virgo - My inner desires are stronger than how I would present myself because it is important for me to not embarrass myself.

5) I have always thought it will be so cool to witness a street party playing Cuban music in South America ever since i watched a movie screened during music lesson in secondary school. 'Molly' Leong was introducing to us cuban music, and i never did find out the name of the movie. In my memory, these parties are wayyy better than sleazy club parties in cities.

6) My brother is my playmate for life. From teddy bears, legos, tamiya cars, digimons, tamagochis, NDS, play stations, Wii, Lan games, board games, chess games, iPhone games and to be continued.

7) I believe that achievements are more important than money in life. They give one a sense of self-worth and a mark on earth that you have lived before. Equal to achievements are relationships fostered in the lifetime.

8) I roll out of bed and fall onto the floor (on my feet of course) before I open my eyes when I wake up unwillingly in the morning.

9) I like to think that I am really good with controlling my own finances. (Note: control, not improve)

10) It's not a secret, I have a soft spot for Spanish guys because they are the definition of sexy with their dark hair and tanned, blushing complexion. Plus the language.

11) I have 'talking' pandas as my children, and I have 5 of them. 2 of which take turns to be 'favourite'.

12) I am sentimental for anything handmade for me. I keep them all.

13) I like watches but I am too practical to develop it as a hobby.

14) I never regret as I would have never known better anyway. I just learn from it and feel sorry if things had not turned out as I would wish them to looking back.

15) I still keep some money in a old school porcelain piggy bank I kept since young, just for emergency purposes and to know 'I am not totally broke'.

16) I haven't had black hair since I got out of college. Because black hair makes me look like a child.

17) I have never been comfortable or good around teachers because they make me feel stupid. (For never being the A student)

18) I think relationships are fragile and I akin it to be like an ecosystem.

19) I sleep in any positions, depending on my state my mind. E.g: If anxious/worried/sad - more likely the foetus position. If contented - lying flat on my back.

20) I have a pair of unequal length legs. This makes the dominant leg slightly bigger, and i always stand on my longer leg when I measure my height. Haha.

Alright, cutting down from 25 to 20. I think they should suffice, can't really think of anything else.

Goodnight!

Angel's cry

2010-11-21T03:41:00.003+08:00

Mariah:
I shouldn't have walked away
I would've stayed if you said
We could've made everything OK
But we just
Threw the blame back and forth
We treated love like a sport
The final blow hit so low
I'm still on the ground

I couldn't have prepared myself for this fall
Shattered in pieces curled on the floor
Super natural love conquers all
'Member we used to touch the sky
And

Lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
We let it drift
In a storm
Every night
I feel the angels cry

C'mon babe can't our love be revived
Bring it back and we gon' make it right
I'm on the edge just tryin' to survive
As the angels cry

Ne-Yo:
I thought we'd be forever and always
You were serenity
You took away the bad days
Didn't always treat you right
But it was OK
I do somethin' stupid
And you still stay with me

But you can only go for so long
Doing the one you claim to love wrong
Before too much is enough
You look up
Find your love gone
And

We were so good together
How come we could not weather
This storm and just do better
Why did we say goodbye

'Cause lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
We let it drift
In a storm
Now every night
I feel the angels cry

Mariah & Ne-Yo:
C'mon babe can't our love be revived
Bring it back and we gon' make it right
I'm on the edge just tryin' to survive
As the angels cry

Baby I'm missin' you
Don't allow love to lose
We gotta ride it through
I'm reaching for you

Baby I'm missin' you
Don't allow love to lose
We gotta ride it through
I'm reaching for you

Lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
But we let it slip
In a storm
Every night
I feel the angels cry

Oh babe, the angels cry

he said he knows im sick, and he bought me redoxon and pipagao.

he left it on my doorsteps and left.

but the problem is, they came 2 weeks late......

i've recovered without him knowing.

and he asked me, "what is care and concern?"

plagued by insomnia

2010-10-11T03:34:00.004+08:00

my mind is full of events running through the day. the recollections intertwine with troubling issues that has been bugging me for the past 3 days, tryin to think, hopefully i can figure things out. plus the humid weather and the not very comfortable bedsheet my mum decided to let me have. i decided to blog. maybe taking some thoughts off my mind will leave a clear mind for me to fall asleep better later.

i never like to use the word blog. i guess it is a very neutral word in the dictionary. to me, the word was created or started using when i was a teenager. i started blogging in sec 1 or 2. blogging was an outlet for all my emotions. mostly negative. and i am ashamed of them. that's why i never make public my blog all these years. but today i decided that i could walk out of the shadow of my adolescent past. for the past me wouldn't affect who i am today, and anyone shouldn't judge me for who i was in the past. but because i used to blog when i was unhappy or angry, for me the word has a negative emotional connotations to it now. but i realised i will never stop writing. it is not a phase that i go through only when i was young. writing liberates me. writing cements who i am. writing teaches me. writing expands me. and my writings not only reminds me who i am, it also often surprises myself that i can be that person behind the writings. because a person has so many sides to himself, sometimes we forget we can be that way too.

i read my old entries from my private blog, and i really enjoyed what i read. i don't mean to brag in any way, i'm just really happy that i re-realised many things as if my past me is reminding me about some important things again, that i have forgotten after so long. i read that in november last year, i said i would give myself one year in schroders to gain whatever social working experience, then start my business. in this one year, i have forgotten about it, and my decision to stay or not has wavered and flickered back and forth. i'm just glad that i have left and done something that i had in the past resolutes to do. something my past me would approve of. i read of the many rational things i have said about finding a good lifelong partner. they are like fresh new advices given to me again, from my old self. i read, and i'm amazed at how much i love reading my heart-to-heart with myself. i feel like sharing them, but i can't find anyone i would want to share them with. i wrote that, those entries would probably come to light only after i'm not around. in which i HOPE someone would bother to dig around for my blog password and read all my private entries when i'm no longer around, which by that time i wouldn't care anymore. it's ironic. i wouldn't care anymore, but i still care enough to think about sharing my deepest thoughts and feelings after i'm not around. hah.

i also wrote that i re-found a group of people that brings me joy in life. just like back when i was in jc. and i really love that feeling. today i went out with fgipians for ktv, and i have never had a dull moment with them. i also wrote that only achievements are tangible through time. only success can be tasted after time passed. it serves to strengthen my belief in my goals.

my bf is like a separate part of my life. like a pie, with a slice cut out from the rest of the pie. they never joined. my life is made up of friends i treasure, my family that i love, my thoughts and feelings. he is separate from all of them. soon i'm going to add my career, hopefully my business to the part of my pie, but he will also not be part of it. he never will.

lazing

2010-02-21T13:20:00.002+08:00

i have bigger things to do, to think, to plan...

i am aware that time will fly past if i continue to not spend my time fruitfully, and time flying past is the scariest thing if looking back u realise u have acheived little.

but what to do? im governed by my mood. and increasingly during weekends, i just want to laze around. can i blame it on work?

work has been becoming better, with me knocking off on good timings. 6, 7 is good.

but im someone that has to be pushed constantly, that is a very bad thing abt me. the more time i have, the lazier i get, the less i acheive.

when i was busy and tired constantly, i had more drive to do more things in the weekends. packed them to the night.

maybe im just getting used to working life, getting too comfortable in my routine, and actually settling into it, rather than fighting it at the initial stage.

i do hope that im meeting my friends enough.

dee, sorry i havent met u in ur transition to another phase in ur life, will make extra effort this week ok!!

old photos

2010-02-06T23:45:00.004+08:00

looking back and moving forward.

2009-12-26T16:36:00.003+08:00

i'm moving forward, and yet i'm not.

i've written down my goals and plans for 2010, and i've looked back at 2009 and my new year resolution written a year ago.

things i've acheived:
graduated. went to a grad trip, gotten a stable job in the finance industry, finally establishing a skincare regime tt works for me.

things i did not acheive:
did not learn how to drive to town (drove to hougang once),
did not exercise fortnightly,
did not start on sewing class.

im moving forward in my life, my rls.
i'm starting 2010 on a new page in a new book, literally.
i rem wanting to be a graphic designer after jc. thin chance but i tried.
aidan bought me a pink notebook for all my thoughts and plannings and for uni life.
i've used it faithfully for the past 3 years.
it records all my footprints in uni life, my expenditure, my wants and emotions.
evidence of a rls with him.
it's finally too cramp to record new things.
so im starting a new book.
a new chapter to also represent a new life.
let schooling life be a past.
a past to be kept properly but away from the present.

2010, it shall be the year i slowly but surely, inch forward to my goal.
more a goal than a dream.
because it will be fulfilled eventually.
who but my bf to help me kickstart my ambition?
a simple domestic sewing machine i received for xmas from him.
the million possibilities it comes with it,
the doors open for me.
i can't wait.
2010, 2011, 2012.
2012 it will be.
(((:

b4 xmas weekend '09

2009-12-20T14:05:00.002+08:00

hello. im in a rush. it's the sunday before xmas.
it's my first working year going through xmas. and like many instances nowadays, i find myself doing what i didn't used to understand but everyone else is doing-last min xmas shopping craze.
i actually have a xmas list unlike before, because i want to thank those in my life.
and celebrate this beautiful festival with them.
i guess im a little sad to find myself turning into what i always know happen to others, but never to me.
im turning into a boring adult.
one who trades half of my life for cash, in order to use cash and compensate for time loss.
guess i really dislike the idea of being the same as everyone else.
but then again, my job nature is the same as everyone else.
hence i join the majority of the population.
unlike when schooling,
i could watch movies in weekdays, do anything and whatever i want to my own leisure.
plan a whole week of xmas celebrations.
spend as much time as i want just doing nothing.
ok stop, lamenting.

i have shopping and 'thanksgiving' to do.
love everyone, who still reads this.

my sunshine

2009-11-15T20:28:00.005+08:00

Made a wish, I can dream
I can be what I want to be
Not afraid to live my life
And fulfil my fantasies

I learnt a lot of tricks to help me live my life
You helped me find my paradise
When you came you were like

Sunshine through my window
That's what you are
My shining star
Sunshine
Making me feel
I'm on top of the world
Telling me I'll go far

Reaching out, for the highs
You inspired me to try
I felt the magic inside
And I felt that I could fly
I'm looking at the world in an optimistic light
You made me appreciate my life
'Cos when you came you were like

You are the calm
I am the storm
You are the breeze that carries me on
When I set adrift
You wink at me
You're there for me

My star, my star..

sunday night boos and monday morning blues

2009-10-18T20:58:00.004+08:00

i find myself struggling to make time for many things. but sunday night comes so fast...

i want to pa tor.
i want to meet friends.
i want to have time to surf the net, for forums, blogs, youtube, blogs, emails..
i want to dl and watch GG every weekend.
i want to spend time at home with my family and brother, and play boardgames with him.
i want to dl new songs.
i want to read new books.
i want to pack my room frm the mess i create throughout the week.
i want to wash and iron my clothes.
i want to put mask!!!
i want to exercise.
i want to cut my super overgrown hair.

im getting increasingly impatient at wasting time on unnecessary things like, managing my song library and getting videos into my phone so i can actually watch shows while travelling.

i've not enough time!

sunday afternoon

2009-10-11T13:41:00.001+08:00

it's sunday!! boo hoo.

i had a fright when i woke up ytd. i saw the bright morning sun and i woke up in panic-i thought i missed work by oversleeping. =/

nothing relaxes me more than music

2009-10-03T15:56:00.002+08:00

this week is my first full working week, and i already feel like...i've been through alot.

i can't describe...i don't feel sad miserable, but there were times i feel trapped miserable. in my head, i just want to fuck care all the work and go home. but i know i can never do that. i have to finish them...and the feeling is, anxiety and stress for the whole day. from the moment i sit down till i leave office. even after leaving office, the strain mentally and physically leaves with me.

this is the beginning, and i know it's gonna be tough. and i know somehow after time passes, i will be able to cope and get used to them. not to say i've already thought of quitting. but to make this long term, i need to devise some sort of plans for my life. i don't want to have no control over my life because of work. i want to know that there are many other meaningful things to do when i've no work, it's suddenly very impt to spend quality time on whatever im doing. and i want to ensure that i'm going to be fit and healthy even if im going to have to work more than 12 hrs a day.

the money that i earn will all go into compensating for the state of mind and body i had to endure during work. it's a vicious cycle. i have never experienced working like this before. sometimes i feel like im the only one experiencing it. i had to remind myself to breathe normally at times, drink more water. going through the whole day with tension is like...having exams for 12 hrs everyday. i need to go spas, sign up work out packages, go pubbing at night, anything to help me release tension in me. else i'll turn into a haggard old lady in no time to come. sad sad.

reminder to self:
unwind. relax. have fun. stay fit and healthy.

happy mooncake festival, i love mooncakesssss.

work and love

2009-09-24T19:38:00.003+08:00

i feel like im going back to school.

when you're attending a new class, and seeing new classmates and new teachers, and learning new things. there were many moments i wished i could be a chatty and outspoken girl so i can blend in quicker, feel less awkward, look and act less like a little girl.

in situations like this, i normally won't care how reserved i will appear on first impressions. because im just like this, slow to warm up, lazy to make effort. but on my first day of work, it just seemed wrong. everyone was so chatty and they laugh at the most simple remark. while i remained as an outsider to whatever they talk about. facebook! the horror of facebook is back to haunt me..and the culture is even more prevalent over here. i don't want to be trying too hard either. maybe the mentality of putting all my hopes and dreams into this job for the next 1 year or even more gave me the pressure to fit in and learn as quickly as possible.

like first day of school, i observed all my new 'classmates' and quickly decide which are the potential friends i would make. there was a girl that likes to make 'smart and funny' remark and the team leader especially laughs at what she says. cross out. after lunch, she would take '8 days' and gather around other colleagues' desks and gossip very loudly on her opinions with celebrities' love lives. together were more chatty colleagues, those that made me feel uneasy at their choice of conversations with the team leader. cross out. almost instinctively, it feels like there are some people who are closer to the team leader and call me suspicious, they may just be trying to 'bootlick' in everyday subtle ways. the team leader is an outspoken and cheerful person herself, it will only be right to choose a successor like herself.

on the other hand, there was a quieter colleague who was the newbie before me, who became my mentor. (thank goodness) she's sweet and all, but i found out she doesn't do lunch. ):

all these i gathered only after one day of work. haha...cause i fell sick and took 2 days mc. tsktsk to me.

i haven't felt my dad's concern for me for a long time...it is only when one falls sick then you appreciates and feel the warmth from loved ones. he drove me to sgh emergency cause he couldn't find 24 hr clinic nearby, waited with me from dark to dawn for doctor's consultation, held my arm when i walk, brought me water, gave me medicine. cooked porridge for me when we came back. hais. so sweet. i want to do the same for my loved ones when they need me one day too.

-emo-

jiayou to me for my uneasiness for work!

hahah. i'll update again.

i love making lists.

2009-09-21T17:22:00.002+08:00

Lists of things to buy, lists of things to do. it's satisfying knowing what to do next, and what i have achieved. and it's a way to prioritise too. i have a to-do-list before starting work tmr.

1) work related-find referees, print academic slip, learn excel.
2) beauty related-cut hair, dye hair, new skincare and supplements (Brand's!)
3) 'tools' related-all working clothes ironed and washed, makeup brushes washed and dried.
4) recreation related (for the train rides)
-reserved and collected 2 books i've been longing to read(remember me by sophie kinsella and one more day by mitch albom). 1 more book is still pending cause it's too popular, the time traveler's wife.
-downloaded new music, including whole album of bsb's new cd. hahaha.
5) shopping related-new working pumps and coat (for 40 in total! =D)

im all geared up and ready for ~~war~~ work!

office politics and goodbye for good SCI!

2009-09-11T23:42:00.001+08:00

this morning i felt the same as how a retrenched worker that was given short notice would feel. except much less painful and more joyful.

i tendered my resignation letter to SCI this morning, stating that my last day would be next week as agreed by the 'big bosses'. then all of a sudden, people started coming up to me and telling me today is my last day. confused, i went to my boss in charge. she knew nothing about it until literally 5 seconds ago. then she got news that the biggest boss (and a**hole) decided to 'release me early'.

im not angry or unhappy to say the least, but seeing how they make decisions in the company really puts to question how 'caring' is the company to their people. it's an irony because when my boss in charge spent 3 hours last fri trying to convince me that i should take up a permanent job there, one factor she pushed forward was how caring the company would be to their staff unlike 'big organisations like banks'. proving her point, she said i am welcome to stay as long as i want until i find a full time job if i decided not to take up the offer. and they will not just ask their employee to leave without notice. i pity my boss in charge, for it seems like she and the company does not sing the same tune. whatever good words she has put in was all coming from herself and never once represent the company's or biggest boss's.

when everything happened, she looked peeved that biggest boss (and a**hole don't forget) did not pass the message to her personally. imagine finding out that your in charge is leaving that very day and not knowing or having any say over it.(she was already having shortage of manpower) to make matters worse, many uninvolved people knew of this decision except her. at the same time, when I found out that it truly is a fact and unconsciously felt a sense of betrayal (well i sort of betrayed them first, but still!), i intentionally made a very wicked move, so as to show my boss in charge that the 'caring' big boss in her eyes is actually, not so caring. what did i do? i said innocently, "actually, not only admin knew about it, KM (another head of dept) also knew and asked me just now." i know, im wicked. i got what i achieved when she said next, "huh? she knows about it? so the whole world knows except me. not even an email, basic courtesy." hah hah! im proud that i successfully created a small impact in the company before i leave. my boss in charge is definitely not someone even the biggest boss can offend, otherwise they can continue letting their near decade old syllabus rot and applications deteriorate.

one word at the end of the day, SHIOK!

My stepping stone to a (promising??) career,

2009-09-08T21:47:00.002+08:00

SCHRODER INVESTMENT MANAGEMENT (SINGAPORE) LTD

Schroders is a leading independent international asset management and private banking group, with more than 200 years experience in financial service and over US$147.7 billion under management as at 31 March 2009.

We manage investments across all major asset classes in developed and emerging countries; hedge funds, equities and bonds, money markets, private equities and property. Our clients include large pension funds, government bodies, charities, corporations and individual investors throughout the world.

In Singapore, Schroders' presence dates back to the early 1970s. We manage funds for institutions, government-linked organizations, private clients and unit trusts. Schroders' strong local franchise is reflected in the wide range of Singapore-authorised unit trusts and our leading position in terms of retail assets under management.

Portfolio Reporting Specialist (Graduate Trainee – 12 months Contract)

Brief

We are looking to hire recent graduates under the MAS Finance Graduate Immersion Programme, with less than one year of working experience and hold relevant residential status, to join our Portfolio Services Department for a period of 12 months.

The successful candidate will be a member of the Portfolio Reporting Team and responsible for reconciliation, portfolio reporting (including valuation and other ad-hoc reporting to clients) and portfolio transitions.

This role provides an exposure across the investment desks and operation teams in the region as Singapore is also an operational hub for Hong Kong, Japan and Indonesia.

Role and Responsibilities

* Perform reconciliation on cash, stock and net asset value against custodian records
* Review and follow-up on reconciliation discrepancies with internal clients, counterparties and custodians
* Generate and prepare monthly, quarterly and ad-hoc valuation reports and additional portfolio reporting for clients
* Conduct control checks that would affect reporting to clients
* Provide transitions support for new/close portfolios or assets transfers
* Supporting the Head of Portfolio Reporting in service improvement projects

The Person

* Responsible
* Service-oriented
* Team player
* Meticulous
* Diligent
* Desire to improve processes
* Immense appetite for knowledge
* Good Excel skills particularly in the areas of Macro and Visual Basic
* Good verbal and written communication skills
* Good problem solving skills
* Deadline driven with the ability to prioritise

Please submit your application, cover letter with detailed resume, academic transcripts, recent photo, contact telephone number and transcript to:

Email : hrsg@schroders.com
Website : www.schroders.com.sg

We regret that only shortlisted candidates will be notified.

Commerative Photos

2009-09-05T14:05:00.011+08:00

So far i've only worked on photos from my birthdays, since i thought it would be most representative of the years that went past.. im still having photos that i've yet to collect from others. so please donate photos to me! (:

Left Hand side-21st birthday. Right Hand side-22nd birthday.

The intention behind this collage is to trace
a) the years of birthdays we've shared together
b) the changes years have brought to us (physically, emotionally)
c) remind us there will always be photos from 2009 and beyond

My first night out with my pri 6 bestie. it took 10 years for us to do this! let's not make the 2nd night out another 10 more years...

My darling of all these years. Bestie at tender age 8 and 9, years past but it's indeed true that a person's character remain pretty much the same. she's still as sweet, if not sweeter as when we were 8, when she gave me her fav hairband (red polka dotted) because i kept borrowing it from her. hahaha. and she still loves hairbands. last year i bought her one for her bday, to compensate for the one she gave me more than 10 years ago. inflation not taken into account though.

feel free to click on photos and save them. i've given up on uploading photos to blogger, hence riding on photobucket from mypolaroids account.

i dun feel well actually, think i seriously caught a chill from yesterday. couldn't take the cold from office. my 2 weeks of working had felt quite long, and many decisions had to be made. both weekends require me to come up with a 'speech' - a speech to reject a job offer. i know, i'll probably suffer karma for always rejecting job offers. hopefully the karma wouldn't strike now. cause im waiting for a particular job offer, and i soo want it. *cross fingers and hope for the best*

hopefully all the uncertainties will stop very soon...im exhausted.

ciao~

sunday morning, rain is falling

2009-08-30T12:44:00.001+08:00

i want to blog..but all the formattings are still missing on blogger's post page. why?? i tried both firefox and IE and they're the same. i cant post pictures. ):

even though im happy being one of those rare facebookless person, but a new friend that added me to friendster brought me back to that forgotten but still existing website. and browsing through my very small and succinct album of photographs, i feel like a few years have just been missing from my memory. the photos stopped at 2 years ago, nearly 3 years after this year. photos uploaded for the public may seem like a medium for sharing with friends and public, but it also served to record and remind your very own existence and what is your life all about. even more so when uploaded photos were always carefully photo-shopped and beautified back in those days. but being older sometimes make you stop some activities that you used to enjoy too. using photoshop was one of mine.

there's a 3 year gapping hole of memories in my life. something i created myself, something that i thought i could live with.

i will summarise my life once again with photos very soon - coming up. (:

GOOD NEWS!!!!

2009-08-19T23:50:00.004+08:00

wow i can't believe my sad life can take such a sudden turn. just ytd i was dejected, demoralised, and feeling like nothing good is going to happen to me. surprise surprise!

I GOT A JOB!

so we shld always remain optimistic because we never know what is around the corner!(:

it's not a glamorous sounding job and i won't know what i really do until i start work. i might be doing sai-kang for all i know. but the lady who interviewed me was so nice and advised me on careers and what they can offer and are looking out for. and they just sound like my kind of thing. and she offered me on the spot somemore!! pardon the singlish. im rather pleased at myself and is silently praising my superb interview skills hence the eagerness for her to 'chop' me before other companies do. hee hee!

in name, im a Curriculum Development Officer (research assistant). and im offered a 3 months temp position for now. she explained that it would do both the company and me good as i can quit if i find that the job is not what i want. otherwise, the contract is convertible. i will start work immediately on monday! so yay for finding work before my birthday! not so yay about the pay cause im paid as a temp for now. but it's ok! the company is Singapore College of Insurance. i am NOT selling insurance. it's a desk-bound backend job. i kinda think the school is like SIM. but probably a prestigious one as all insurance agents, brokers for insurance alike need to acquire their certs from there. and my work place is Suntec, which is a good location. i already spotted some nice clothes and shoes there..

actually i dunno what's the career progression but it's definitely insurance industry. she actually sounded keen to take me as a full time perm staff, then i 'reminded her that i was told by my agent it is a contract job'. so she must really like me. haha! it's an ego-boosting day. largely boosted by my own imagination.

so this is not the only good news for me today..after confirming my interview on the phone, i actually received a call from melbourne. my kor is coming back soon and gonna stay for some time! this is another piece of great news, i can complain to him on the phone over the state of my face again! no lar, kidding. we talk more serious stuff. like, interaction with different cultures from taiwan and japan. MUAHAHAH.

last thing that completed my happy day was meeting evy! we haven't met since she started work and it felt sooo long. so happy happy!

i want sweet dreams today, and ideally it shld involve having a flawless face like fann wong's. if it happens, i'll buy 4d tmr.

goodnight.

the good and bad news

2009-08-18T23:31:00.001+08:00

Blogspot will not deter me from blogging. it's screwed up as usual, but at least they still have a box for me to type a post (all other buttons either missing or everywhere around the page).

good news: it's my birthday next sat, and since i'm so poor, i can write a birthday list so i still get what i want. sounds good?

bad news: even going out for dinners need $$, and the large part of the reason why i'm staying at home and helping out to cook dinner nowadays is because home-cooked food is free. so this year i may only get like, 2 presents? =/

good news: because i can't afford a meal outside anymore (sounds tragic), i may fly to Beijing from 24th to 28th and avoid all sorts of celebrations. ironic but truth is i dun have to pay cause i'll be tagging along with my 22 years of atm and a very generous small tycoon at home.

bad news: i'm turning 22 and i'm still jobless, penniless and aimless.

bad and good news: i've just signed my first time in my life installment for something i purchase. and no prize for guessing, although it is a bit unusual, it's for a facial package. 12 months installment for facial! (: ):

the moral of my story is, i'm happy and sad. and yes, desperate for two things: money and a flawless face.

it's my birthday month, discounts anywhere?

2009-08-06T15:51:00.011+08:00

this post is going to be split into two sections: music and skincare. (yes, skincare!)

i've come into this page nearly every single time i log into the internet, with the mind to blog today. but as uninteresting as my life can be, i always end up quitting the browser at the end of the day. you see, i looked at my list of things-to-do for post exams and i actually see them all ticked, except for getting a job of course. which im pretty helpless about it. so my life has been reduced to developing lazy bones, aimless and clueless everyday. even my upcoming birthday brings no excitement to me, and i blame it on being over 21. but it's also partly because i've NO LIFE currently. i wrote a new list of to-dos but i think the days of being useless have partly consumed me and rendered me unmotivated to start being useful again. ):

i've been hooked on the song 'bella luna' by jason mraz for a while. finally i went to search for the lyrics because i don't have anything more constructive to do online. and i read his little biography too. i very much agree that he's a poet song writer. and quote from him: "it's important that i try to make a life rather than a living." easier said than done. so i spent my days recently admiring accomplished people who are doing what they love without compromising their lives, their person as a whole. but it so happens that they (johnny depp, linkin park, jason mraz..) are such talented people that such bliss won't happen to me. or have i yet to discover my own?

read through while listening to the song, it's beautiful.

Mystery the moon
A hole in the sky
A supernatural nightlight
So full but often right
A pair of eyes a closing one
A chosen child in golden sun
A marble dog that chases cars
To farthest reaches of the beach and far beyond into the swimming sea of stars

The cosmic fish they love to kiss
They're giving birth to constellations
No riffs and oh no reservation
If they should fall you get a wish or dedication
May I suggest you get the best
For nothing less than you and I
Let's take a chance as this romance is rising over before we lose the lighting
Oh bella bella please
Bella you beautiful luna
Oh bella do what you do
Do do do do do

You are an illuminating anchor
Of leagues to infinite number
Of crashing waves and breaking thunder
Tiding the ebb and flows of hunger
You're dancing naked there for me
You expose all memory
You make the most of boundary
You're the ghost of royalty imposing love
You are the queen and king combining everything
Intertwining like a ring around the finger, of a girl
I'm just a singer, you're the world
All I can bring ya
Is the language of a lover -------> fav part of the song.
Bella luna, my beautiful beautiful moon
How you swoon me like no other

May I suggest you get the best
Of your wish may I insist
That no contest for little you or smaller I
A larger chance yet, but all them may lie
On the rise, on the brink of our lives
Bella please
Bella you beautiful luna
Oh bella do what you do
Bella luna
My beautiful beautiful moon
How you swoon me like no other, oh oh oh

i promised you it's a beautiful song ain't it?

now onto the second part, skincare! more specifically, today im going to blog about sunscreens. girly post ahead again.

i was reading vivawoman (singaporean beauty blogger, read this instead of brainless posts like xiaxue's or some big boobs xiaoxiao lookalike girl!) and i discovered a link to the 50 most popular beauty blogs online. i've linked it on the sidebar. and then while randomly surfing some blogs, i came across this link: EWG. turned out alot of commercially popular sunscreens are actually not recommended by the ewg, environmental working group. i was sad to see that my neutrogena spray mist and lip balm didnt make it cause they contained oxybenzone. more on this ingredient in vivawoman. but i found my avene face sunscreen to be rated quite highly at level 3. 0 to 2 being recommended by ewg. as i love my avene sunscreen(thanks to sf's recommendation), the results only proves my judgement to be accurate. and also, before knowing all about this, i've already felt that the spray mist wasn't doing a good job. im actually getting darker recently. so now im on the search for a good body sunscreen and lip balm that gets approval from this organisation. i singled out purple prairie as their sun pdts are organic and are both highly recommended. problem is, their international shipping costs usd 25 when their pdts are actually below usd 10. so im sad. anyone interested to spree from them? i guess not, given my very limited blog readership. so the search for alternatives go on.

some blogs i like from the top 50 list:
beautyaddict - love the website layout and colour scheme and amazed one can turn blogspot into such a comprehensive website
stylebakerybeauty - blog posts accompanied with pictures, makes reading very much like reading magazines
vivawoman - singaporean writer who prefers organic skincare

haven't yet explored most. tell me what you think! (:

out of action

2009-07-25T19:56:00.005+08:00

sick, sick, sick.

i should have kept my mouth shut when i blabbered half cautiously, half proudly that i haven't fell sick for a long time. being unsuperstitious yet kiasu at the same time, i even added touch wood for good measurements. seems like superstitions end only at the part where one can never be too smug before a downfall. ):

it's only my 2nd day of being sick. started off with no fever but headaches, sorethroat and slight cough. then had fever that shot up to near 38 degrees. currently my temperature shows me having a cold instead, with flu, cough, sorethroat, and a better headache. for everyone's sake, i stayed at home, wore mask around and limited my time in my own room. i was close to being driven to a h1n1 clinic. *pray for me*

on another note, i had wanted to blog and gush over johnny depp. and my time in KL. now that im not in the mood anymore, i'll simplify my feelings to a sentence,

"johnny depp is freaking MAN in public enemies!!"

bye bye black bird. :'(

when he was young and boyish, nevertheless still sexy...

Movie: Donnie Brasco

im going to embark on a mission to watch every single one of his old movies...

fighting zombies in the dark

2009-07-17T16:27:00.002+08:00

I had my first LAN experience yesterday with my 2 'B's.

NOT BAD!

better than expectation.

*grins*

how troublesome it is to be a (vain) girl

2009-07-15T19:01:00.011+08:00

I'm bored, so i decided to post photos of my skincare collection. don't ask me how they grew to this substantial amount. i have more coming when sf comes back from korea. and i promise, it will be the end of it. before that, let's review my proud possessions. :)))

This is actually a group picture of all my green items from a few mths ago. most of which i don't use anymore. i took them cause they look pretty tgt. haha. the only one im still using is the laniege toner. another product that is on and off is my akne pimple releasing cream, which i suspect works only when used for a short period of time. all the green items are acne related. i dunno if me stopped using them is a good sign that i don't need them anymore, or that they don't work at all. shrugs.

This is my latest proud possession. i've just got 2 of it ytd. *beams* they're all dhc products that can't be found in spore. from left is an acne whitening gel that claims to improve pimples and lighten scars, eye bright, and the rather famous deep cleansing oil for makeup remover. the eye bright is from japan, and the other 2 is from taiwan. (: prices are $15, $35 and $19 respectively.

Everything that i own currently, after selling some, giving some, using up some. and excluding samples in sachet forms.

i'll just list the essential ones in order of usage.

(night)
18) neutrogena eye makeup remover - can't rem
19) dhc deep cleansing oil - $19
9) vichy purete thermal foam cleanser - $28
10) laneige pore trouble toner - $42
12) dhc eye bright - $35
4) follow me pimple gel - $6
16) laneige water bank cream 2 / 22) laneige hydrasolution cream - free
6+7) yoursessentially clay mask - about $28 with postage

(day)
14) avene sfp 50 sunblock - $39.90
15) neutrogena spf 45 body sunblock - $25

nobody wants me to review them. so i'll shut up, for now.

Quote of the Day

2009-07-15T17:39:00.003+08:00

"You have to break a few eggs to make an omelette, right? Whole and grown up people are made up of all the terrible, terrible mistakes they've made and learned from. If you are too afraid to take chances, if you're too cautious, then you're bound to get stuck in one great big fat boring motherfucking bastard of a rut."

- The Accidental Wife, Rowan Coleman

really bad habits

2009-07-12T01:49:00.002+08:00

Reasons why i will eventually turn fat and unhealthy.

1) i tend to give in to zz monster and just sleep after a meal tt makes me drowsy.
2) i sleep really late, and wake up only for lunch, skipping breakfast.
3) my dinner starts after 8 everyday, and i snack before bedtime.
3) i hate to run and too lazy to exercise.
4) i bathe really late nowadays.
5) sometimes, i forget to drink enough water.

i used to think i have good genes, thus attributing to good skin and good weight.
with bad skin now, i worry about my future weight and health....

securing a ricebowl or a dream job?

2009-07-09T23:19:00.008+08:00

Mon, Jul 06, 2009 The Business Times
Fresh grads rush in for jobs, banks may oblige

By SIOW LI SEN

Thousands of fresh graduates continue to make a beeline for jobs in the financial industry, unfazed it seems by its less than sterling reputation and reports of retrenchment.

Some banks have been overwhelmed by the thousands of job applications from hopeful graduates - although they have openings only for less than 10 per cent.

Citibank said that to date it has received 50 per cent more job applications or as many as 4,500 from fresh graduates. In previous years, it received 2,500 to 3,000 applications from fresh graduates hoping to land a job under its management associate (MA) programme which takes in 20-30 people.

In May, Citibank said that it will be hiring 200 fresh graduates under its own MA programme as well as under the Monetary Authority of Singapore (MAS) scheme.

The MAS scheme subsidises graduates' allowances over the next one to two years to encourage financial institutions to take them in.

MAS said in March that it will set aside $15 million for the initiative.

Lee Yan Hong, Citi Singapore human resource director, said that the recruitment process is still ongoing and progressing well.

The new hires will fill positions under three talent recruitment initiatives, namely the management associate, banking associate and banking trainee programmes, she said.

The latter two were new programmes specially created to be aligned with the MAS scheme.

Standard Chartered Bank said that the number of applications from fresh graduates this year has doubled.

It typically receives several thousands of applications a year for its prestigious banking associate programme.

D M Arulraj, regional head of human resources (SEA), Standard Chartered Bank said that the banks has hired about 180 graduates so far this year.

For its one-year banking associate programme tailored for high potential fresh graduates who are placed into job specific roles, the bank has taken in 38 graduates.

'This programme offers a structured career path for the graduates and they go through skills and product training necessary for their role to help them develop their careers,' said Mr Arulraj.

In addition, about 70 fresh graduates will be joining the bank next Monday under the MAS scheme. This batch will go through a one-month structured training with the focus on providing them with a fundamental knowledge of the bank's products and the financial industry, he said.

Stanchart also hired an additional 50 graduates in the first half of 2009, most of whom are in sales, he said.

DBS Bank to date has got about 1,200 applications from fresh graduates for jobs under the MAS scheme, for which it has 80 positions, said Edna Koh, a bank spokeswoman.

'DBS supports what MAS wants to achieve through this initiative,' said Ms Koh.

Positions are offered across the departments, including consumer banking, technology & operations, investment banking and wealth management.

'We are offering around 80 positions and we have hired approximately half the number already,' she said.

'In addition, we will continue to hire fresh graduates for our management associate programme this year. The size of the intake has not been finalised, but in the past, DBS typically recruits about 50 graduates for this programme each year.'

OCBC Bank said that it is taking in fresh graduates under the MAS scheme.

link: http://www.asiaone.com/News/Education/Story/A1Story20090703-152521.html

Please do the math...only about 10 percent of us are getting a job in the bank. i get discouraged even before i apply for a job from them. and needless to say us SIM grads do not exactly have an advantage over others..

feeling abit confused right now. i know i shldnt be pondering over whatever that has passed. when Albert Einstein said everything is relative, it is so true. here's what confusing me:

1) my first job offer was from RBS at 1.8k doing a job i don't mind and might actually like. it may not be a glamourous position, not a middle management job 'suited for degree holders', and so i rejected it and also because of the low pay.
2) my second job offer (well i did not go for my 3rd round of interview) was 2.3k from OCBC, considered quite good given the market, but i rejected it cause i didnt want to do the job cause i deemed it to have no prospect.

i've been hearing many people telling many things like, "the pay is too low for a degree holder" and "your first job would be important to your future career path if not the time and experience gain would go to waste."

and so i need to find a job that would add value to my dream career path and at the same time has a pay at the market rate for degree holders. some people says 2.2k is the average starting pay, but then again i read from forums that fresh grads are everywhere now and can't find a job at all. and even worse i saw a statistic from jobstreet that the average starting pay of fresh grads in finance sector is 1.8k?? i don't know if they're deflating the figure so we can fill in more vacancies, i suppose i am a living example of someone who was offered a 1.8k job 'due to inexperience'. relatively speaking, if the market situation is really so now, then accepting the 1.8k job wouldn't be that bad. afterall i could always jump ship after a while, and having already a headstart rather than being those 'picky fresh grads who deem pay to be too low and rather rot at home.' my kiasu mentality prevents me from accepting a job that would pay much lower than my peers, as i don't want to feel sad for myself. lol.

i have an urgent need to find out more about the ICSA programme and the career path that entails. looking at the figures under 'years of experience', i suddenly realise that with each passing month, i am wasting would-be valuable working experience. exactly what job would be valuable for my future career? do i even know what i want as a goal?

random facts of the night

2009-07-08T01:51:00.004+08:00

1) i have never slept earlier than 12a.m since exams ended. it's an addiction hard to kick.
2) my breakouts never stop even though i remain optimistic each time that once the pimples heal there'll be no more new ones. pimples and clogged pores can really determine my mood for the day.
3) my days are starting to feel unproductive, cause i've done most that i wanted on my list. i need to draw up a new list.
4) i met a Brazilian banker last week who graduated from Harvard and even held a decent conversation with him.
5) i made good use of myself at home today by cleaning my dusty fan and after that realised i chipped my nail.
6) it's my old friends week, also bf's overseas week.
7) hope that bestie gets her dream job tmr. (:
8) discovered my love for starbucks coffee but it still remains as a luxury drink.
9) rejected my dad's offer for allowance this month, and it was his 3rd time asking.
10) did clay mask and going to put on paper mask and go lie down for the night now.

*pimples clogged pores all go away*

till i update again.

5 a.m

2009-07-07T04:21:00.002+08:00

This is the time a perfectionist like me sleep after making sure all details of my new blogskin is perfect(in my view).

Loving pink. (:

trailer for pi zi ying xiong

2009-06-25T16:40:00.001+08:00

black and white = grey

2009-06-22T16:36:00.003+08:00

im so freakin frustrated with the show black and white (pi zi ying xiong).
it's the feeling of frustration yet i have to finish watching the entire show in order to unveil all the mysteries that has been building up since the 1st episode.

anyone who decides to start on this drama, beware.
you will be hit by the same frustration as me.
the seemingly bad guys are actually good.
the originally good and kind guy becomes bad.
the bad becomes good and the good becomes bad but the definition of good and bad also depends on how you perceive it.
confusing?
the triads are actually good and the police are actually the bad.
but the triads are heartless and the police are pursuing justice.
and the lovers become siblings but actually they are not siblings.
the potential couple becomes backstabbed and manipulated and the whole freakin show is actually on how innocent people gets used by the more powerful people 'up there' that i still haven understand what are their motives and whether they are police or triads or a neutral party employed by either side.

oh god this is so frustrating.
im staying at home spending days watching a show tt leaves me dying for more and frustrated at the same time.
i need to rant.
the title of the show has never been so appropriate.
ohhh if only i can find someone to discuss the show with me.
my fav character has to be that originally ambiguous ma xiao ming.
he's the real MAN. bwhahaaha.
cause he's the only smart and faithful man that is not manipulated by anyone.
really disappointed by the 2 male leads, their emotions resulted in their failures.

thankfully, the finale will be aired comin sat and i don't have to wait agonisingly long.
after this drama, i really need a break from late nights and the screen.

bumming

2009-06-14T22:48:00.002+08:00

to compensate for the boring face post earlier on, i decided to post some eyecandy photos.....

of a dog.

SO CUTE! =D

updates:
i haven't sent any resumes out to any companies. i don't feel like working, working yet.
i know, im lazy.
but i would put in more effort if i have a grad trip or a holiday.
at least i know if i start looking now, i can go on a holiday and come back ready to work.
but no!
i have NO holiday.
even if i have the money all saved up and ready to be spent.
why?
because my father said there's H1N1, and he'll lock us out for one week if we insist on going.
sheesh, i sound like a defiant teenager ranting.
but i must say it really changed my mentality and attitude in looking for work.
i spent the whole of last week going to recruit agencies and planned on sending resumes in the weekends, then going on interviews for the whole coming week.
once i realised the trip is not going to come true, i switched plans and come online all day long doing shopping, updating my phone, checking emails, doing misc. in other words, unimpt things that i do when i reeeally have the time.
dee in europe, sf gg korea, eve came back from 2 places alr! even my bro had been to aust and vietnam alr. and even earlier on japan.
):

anw, ive had ample time to think of my future too.
i think i know what i want to become and achieve already.
at age 22, it's not very late right?
scratch that.
im 21.

face face face

2009-06-14T13:35:00.003+08:00

im excited.
cause im gg to order some organic ingredients from online and finally get down to try doing my own face mask. wahahaha.
yes, it's been months and im still pretty obsessed with my face.
if there were nothing wrong with my face i wouldn't get so obsessed with it. so it's self-enforcing.
i wasnt happy with the clogged pores on my face and i went to a facial that transformed the colourless harmless looking bumps (aka clogged pores) on my face to red and angry spots. and im nursing more scars than ever. ):
now with all clogged pores gone, i want to prevent them from ever coming back again!
so my quest started from drawing out all the deep acne (using all sorts of bha like my fav akne, pc's bha gel,avene aha plus bha cream), to healing all the surface pimples (oxy5, nixoderm, follow me pimple gel that is surprisingly good), to now preventing my face from being invaded with acne germs. and clay mask is the way to go!

now to educate everyone a bit more on clay masks:

Clay masks have been used for refining delicate facial tissue for ages, as it serves to detoxify, smooth, reduce the appearance of pores, and balance facial tone, including the reduction of redness and even flakiness.
Cosmetic clays of different varieties are quarried from mines all over the world. Some examples of facial clays are French green clay, Moroccan Rhassoul red clay, Fuller’s Earth clay, Dead Sea clay, Bentonite clay, and Kaolin (white) clay.

Wetting Agents: As the facial powder will be dry, you will need to choose a ‘wetting agent’ according to the condition or needs of your skin.

Other helpful additives:
Oatmeal (soothing, softening, moisturizing), Honey (antibacterial, humectant, hydrating), Rosehips (exfoliant), Apricot Kernal meal (exfoliant), Yoghurt powder (nutrients, moisturizing, smoothing), Buttermilk powder or Milk powder (nutrients, moisturizing, smoothing), Dead sea salts (minerals, exfoliant), Vinegar (pH balancing, antiseptic), coffee grounds (exfoliant)

Directions:
Add 1 – 2 Tbsp. facial clay
Add 1 tsp powdered herb (or herb blend)
Add 1 tsp additonal additive, such as powdered oatmeal, milk, or honey
Add wetting agent a little at a time until the powder becomes a smooth paste. Don’t add too much!

all above taken from a blog post from http://lilithsapothecary.wordpress.com/

so now im ordering from yoursessentially.com.
1) Healing Herbal Clay Masque
2) Lemon Balm Hydrosol
3)Aloe Vera Gel

A dry mask mix made from white kaolin clay, bentonite clay and natural herbs, Healing Herbal Clay Masque aids in skin regeneration and is beneficial for inflamed skin and surface blemishes.

Lemon Balm Hydrosol has powerful and positive uses for any skin care product. It is antifungal, relieves skin infection and breakouts and can cure herpes. The hydrosol is considered useful in tonic drinks for 'attention deficit disorder' and dietary uses. Has a wonderful lemony scent that is attractive to men and women as well as the teenage market.

Other Uses: Spritzer for face and body for emotional calmness, soothing anger, and relieving insomnia. One teaspoon added to clay mask for skin healing; add to regular tea for a new delicious taste treat.

Aloe Vera gel is a fabulous wetting agent. You want the natural, liquid type of gel that is also drinkable (though not the kind sold as a kind of pop drink in Asian countries). Aloe is a bit ‘drying’ and also tonifying, so it’s great for oily skin, in addition to its well-known skin healing properties.

okay now everyone knows the superb benefits of these organic stuff, if it really works, im never going to buy masks in the market anymore, except for tissue ones. because those in the market contains preservatives and all other synthetic ingredients you don't even know how it'll affect you in the long run.

another buy im gg to make, is the famous Egyptian Magic Cream. ok, it's pretty famous on youtube (and forums in flowerpod, cozycot). outside of that, maybe less well known. im getting small quantities from someone selling in Singapore. and the reason im getting is actually not for my face, which everyone is intrigued to test out. i actually want to get it for my mother, who has constantly been experiencing skin disorders and it's supposed to be a miracle cream for ANY skin problems, (including face) so it's always good to keep one at home. even as a lip balm, or dry elbows, heels, hair. im afraid to use it on my face.

excited!

a man like...

2009-06-09T00:06:00.003+08:00

i spent the time after exams pondering over some issues. with some help from a show. i think i've finally gotten it. i know what i want.

these impt qualities.

respecting him
- When a guy loves you, he would only want the best for you. Even if it means leaving you. That would be an unselfish act from him and this man is then worth respecting.

a caring him
- Even if it is not within the (financial) means of the man, he would still want to and try to make you happy, because he loves you. He takes notice of you, pays attention to you, be interested in your life (even those before he met you), simply because he cares for you. If he doesn't, it could mean he loves himself more than he loves you.

a giving him
- Love is not calculative. Therefore if ever any party feels obliged to satisfy the other because then it would be 'fair', then the relationship is built upon 'repayment', 'compensation', and 'sympathy'.

an accepting him
- Only with understanding and acceptance of your other half can you truly trust and love him/her. Understanding comes in during the dating process. When couples cannot accept each other, they will find themselves fighting over the same issues over and over again. Eventually, he/she will not be 'good enough'. and one will leave for a 'better future or partner'.

a reasonable and empathising him
- Instead of questioning why are you behaving this way, he would put himself in your shoes and empathize you. Only then can there be compromising and accommodating. Only when both parties are giving will this situation happen. If any one is not, it will result in another to not find any point in doing so. Even if it takes a few days to realise it, he would spent the time to think through it or talk to somebody. If he doesn't, he will put the blame on you and start criticising you. he would want you to reflect on yourself and ask for you to change instead. she will start to lose confidence in herself. he's too self-centered or unreasonable as a person. He would be hard to get along with.

a wise him
- part of being able to respect him, a man that broadens your horizon and understanding of yourself shows maturity and is the one to accompany you for the rest of your life on your path to self-discovery. he will guide and help you along the way, instead of bringing out the worst in you.

Looking at old photos....

2009-05-18T13:16:00.004+08:00

for the first time in my life,
i felt that i had lost and missed a part of my life.
a part that would be gone with the old memories and will never be felt again.

the more time passed,
the more we move on with our lives,
the further we are from our past,
the more abandoned they are from our lives.
the people, the things we do, the things we share.

i had missed you girl,
and u came back to my life with a big bang.
hopefully, you're here to stay.

i wish to add,
i just realised out of the fewwww (and i can count with 5 fingers) blogs that i actually read once in a while, 3 closed their blogs without inviting me.
Well done Kai,
you've succeeded to shrink your world smaller than a facebookless world.
is eliminating friends as we grow older really necessary??

im not studying AS MUCH....

2009-05-04T01:49:00.003+08:00

.... as my peers. and im not stressed too. it's such a worrying sign. i think being so so obsessed with skincare has taken away my stress from studying. im just constantly reading and looking at products that are good. and internet is a source of information and evil. forums, youtube vids are all endless. i still study...but i think i spend max 3 hours studying daily. while my frens could study THE WHOLE DAY outside. how do they do it?? i could do that too but then i would take the whole of next day to recuperate from my excessive reading and studying. ha ha. i mean, it's better to spend quality time studying things that i think are impt and not excessively overloading on myself right? RIGHT. self comforting always works when noone comforts you.

so i just want to post this link here for whoever who's taking the same exam as me. cause i think it's a very good information site. it's for MSM.

http://ormsblog.com/

do read thru them and you'll have more to write for section A alr. (: i'll have good karma for sharing my knowledge, *hope*

something interesting to tell, i bought a sample packet of Laneige white plus renew essence from someone online (i bet she got it for free but im too lazy to go down and beg for one) and have been using them on my cheeks and only my cheeks for the past 3 days. firstly, i wanted to maximise the little amt i have, secondly, if it really works then i could tell the difference btw my cheeks and my forehead. 1st 2 days i was really disappointed cause it wasnt as hydrating as my hydra solution essence, which i was hoping wld be both hydrating and whitening. today is my 4th day using it, and i was suddenly taken aback by the slight but obvious difference of my face colour. my forehead actually looks darker than my cheeks, which has that flushed healthy colour. and it's fairer and brighter. WOW. now im seriously amazed. so now i need BOTH hydra solution essence and white plus renew essence. SHUCKS.

back to my 'quality' studying....

ayu's next level is....

2009-04-24T00:57:00.004+08:00

Special Limited USB version
Limited release of album "Next Level" also ships in the form of USB drive sporting familiar Ayumi's winged-"A" logo. Full album is stored in a non-eraseable partition leaving approx. 1.3GB free user space.

doesnt this look so super nice and delectable??
but it's so bloody expensive, at near 50 usd. ):

2009-04-21T17:46:00.003+08:00

SHUCKS.

i need a win xp cd, urgently.
as i've posted before,
my comp crashed and i have been using my brother's lappie ever since.
i just keep forgetting to ask around for the stupid disc so i can save my PC.
it's my only hope!!!

ok it wasn't urgent before, cause "as long as i have a comp to surf net im happy." - quoted frm my brother.
but my new phone arrived today!!!!
-excited like a little girl on xmas eve-
i've grown to loving shopping online, cause the anticipation in receiving your stuff at doorstep is awesome!
so my new nokia 5800 came...
and imagine the horror when i realised i have to register a PC to dl all the songs!
well, it wasn't unexpected actually.
but still.........
i cant enjoy any freebies until i get my goddamn pc fixed.
so,
anyone with win xp cd to loan?

a reason to love Obama

2009-04-19T12:18:00.005+08:00

it has been crazyyy hot the past week.
it makes me wonder about the melting polar ice.
im not kidding.
well i admit apart from my breakouts and how it'll affect my face as well.

Obama is more like an idol figure.
the always smiling president that even attends comedian talk shows to reach out to more audiences.
people are concerned with everything about him.
even his new black (yes black) pooch gets featured on the newspaper, citing it as becoming the world's most famous dog.
many believed in him and his words, not only because he marks an unprecedented milestone in US racial history, but also because of the belief in his ability.
i have read his speeches, and they were inspiring all right.
but as to proving his words with actions and measuring the effectiveness of his policies, given the current economic situation, takes time.
so i wouldn't comment on it.
what pleased me today,
was his stance to finally allow US to join the world's fight against environmental damage, instead of turning a blind eye to the issue as George bush had in 2001.
i've googled some facts here:

April 27, 2001
President George W. Bush delivered what may be a coup de grâce to the Kyoto Protocol, a United Nations agreement that calls for cuts in the emissions of greenhouse gases by industrialized countries, when he flatly stated that he would not support the global warming treaty, which was signed but not ratified by the U.S. The announcement triggered a torrent of angry reaction, particularly from European nations, but from U.S. environmentalists as well.

I know this, because i had studied this as a case study when i was in sec school. and even then i thought of how selfish americans are. they clearly have the power, both political and economical to make a change. because of their short-sightedness in focusing only on their present prosperity and failing to realise their involvement and decision could affect their future, they are jeopardizing the rest of the world's future as well. the effect of environmental problems are perilous but not felt directly. that's why only environmentalists raised their oppositions. you and me, we just don't care.

today, US has affected the whole world with their selfish indulgences yet again. it is due to their self-centered lifestyle and focus on extravagant purchases beyond their abilities to repay that WE have to suffer. that innocent 3rd world countries become even poorer. it is because of their wants for even fatter bonuses that families in 3rd world countries reduce their meals from perhaps once a day to struggling to even finding any food. these chain effects are bound to bite them at the back and we can witness them now from the increase in crime rate, piracy attacks in the coasts.

finally, Obama is doing something right for the US citizens. after 8 years of burying their heads in the sand like an ostrich, he has made an environmental move to involve his country in making a difference. late, but better than never.

Obama to regulate ‘pollutant’ CO2
By Richard Black
April 17, 2009

The US government is to regulate carbon dioxide emissions, having decided that it and five other greenhouse gases may endanger human health and well-being…....

"Fortunately, it follows President Obama’s call for a low-carbon economy and strong leadership in Congress on clean energy and climate legislation; and… the solution is one that will create millions of green jobs and end our country’s dependence on foreign oil." …

...

In the endangerment finding, the EPA now cites a number of impacts that it believes may impact significantly on US citizens, including: * an increased risk of droughts and floods
* sea level rise
* more intense storms and heatwaves
* harm to water supplies, agriculture and wildlife

Ms Jackson concluded that these impacts would fall disproportionately on people who were poor or in ill health, and on indigenous groups.

The EPA quoted a 2007 report by a group of retired generals and admirals who said that climate change presented "national security challenges" for the US.

Environmental groups said this was the latest sign that the Obama administration is taking a very different line on climate change from its predecessor.

if you wikipedia it, you'll find that US is the largest emission of CO2 in the world in 2004.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_carbon_dioxide_emissions

Singapore is 59th.
and these are absolute numbers.
if you think about it, it's crazy for such a small country like us to rank 59th in the world.
just think about it,
and feel the 'direct' impact on us today, this very moment.

damaged

2009-04-11T12:26:00.008+08:00

i think i should be feeling qt devastated...but not really.

sometime back (1 mth ago), my computer crashed unexpectedly.

few weeks ago, part of my glasses broke-due to old age.

3 days ago, my phone died and refused to come back to life ever again.

im someone who always wished that everything in my life would remain constant.

like, i don't want to grow older, and i don't want to watch my parents age.

i don't want to go to the dentist or optician, i just want my teeth and eyesight to be as functional as they are now.

i don't want to go fo health checkups as well, even though sometimes i think my chest hurts. (i may just be paranoid)

and i dun ask for my gadgets to be upgraded cause im happy as long as they can function.

SO WHY DO ALL MY THINGS BREAK DOWN AT THE SAME TIME???

even my face. ):

i don't ask for it to be better as long as i can retain what i had a year ago.

but no, everything has to change after i turn 21.

even more so after june when im gonna be offically un-studented (made the word up) after 15 years.

call me a pessimist but i just dun see anything good about growing older.

i admit i had once wished that i could be an adult and be treated like part of the bigger society.

where people doesn't look at me as a kid.

when i can afford things that others have.

nice bags, nice clothes, nice shoes, nice makeup, nice hair.

only now did i realise all these will come with sacrifices.

we gain more material and made up prettiness in exchange of natural youth and beauty that comes from within.

it's as if beauty becomes more and more 'painted' as we grow older.

we girls need to spend more and more effort in buying nice things, using good products, 'packaging' ourselves in other words.

but i admit most girls don't mind and wouldn't stop to muse like what im doing.

because the lure of 'becoming better' - in terms of owning pretty and maybe branded products, and looking better in terms of dressing well and having nice makeup - is too great.

then when we look back, we would miss all the simple things in life, and we were still happy.

unless, you're someone who was like an ugly duckling when young and possessed nothing you can be happy of, such that you gain many things when you become older.

now on to updates on my terrible skin,

i finally found the solution to my skin problem after much testing and somewhat denial of the real problem.

i wasn't suffering from pimples caused by dirt and grime or not cleansing enough.

they are really just whiteheads that form over a long long period of time and then one by one, they rupture my skin surface and form pimples that are hard to get rid of, not the everyday pimples one get.

here's one take from a site:

The exact cause of Whitehead or Blackhead Acne is unknown, However many doctors and scientists believe that they result from several related factors. One main factor is the increased production of androgens (male hormones) in both boys and girls during puberty.
These hormones in turn cause the sebaceous glands to enlarge and produce more sebum (oil). The oil is secreted to the surface of your skin through tiny pores. Blackhead and Whitehead acne is the direct result if these pores becoming clogged with dead skin and infected by bacteria.

gasps! im going though puberty at age 21!

Did You Know?
Research has shown that eating chocolate or greasy food does not cause acne, nor does dirty skin.

so anw, im using this really ordinary bordering on ugly looking packaged pimple cream from guardian.

it's not like a typical pimple cream that i've come to associate with.

first, it has to be used over the whole face.

secondly, it's not drying at all and it absorbs into my skin within seconds, leaving a very dry touch on my fingers and face.

but it has amazing effects!

it seems to suck out all the impurities and clogged whiteheads on my skin and after using it, the whiteheads dry up and the skin on it drops off or peels off.

as to treating my existing infections, they seem to be healing as well.

its description is said to treat comedones formed by mood changes. *raises eyebrow doubtfully

the full name is akne pimple release cream by josephine. (found in guardian only and only in those shelves guarded by sales assistant)

it's ok if noone heard of it before, because neither did i.

and the green tube packaging didnt help either cause it resembled my underarm (yes, armpits!) scrub that i bought on a whim long ago but never use anymore.

another article:

To avoid acne you should use all products that are certified non- comedogenic.

If after using a product for sometime you find comedones increasing, stop usage for sometime and see the result.

the problem is, i don't know if im really going through puberty and everything is hormonal caused, or that im really using wrong product. how would i know if these damn spots appear only after months right?? oh well.

now time to focus on my exams in one mth time. *crosses fingers and hop for the best

YAYY

2009-03-22T19:10:00.004+08:00

i received my stuff from *secret* today!!!

(i can't say cause part of it is dee's birthday present-pending. hahaha)

i think it was ytd but i was home late so i didn't see it. i'm elated!! can you imagine the joy and excitement when you open a package you ordered from online??? and the seller was so super sweet. she gave me 3 extra limited edition samples and wrote a personal note addressing to "seng kai"(that's ang moh for you). plus the wrapper was so pretty and carefully wrapped. it was heart shaped and tissue-like with their store's sticker on it. and i tested them, i am very satisfied with their products! the colours are exactly what i have been looking for, suitable for neutral daily look. yet still so subtle and pearly. i feel like ordering more now! what made me even happier was how i came online and found out from the site and many youtubers that the item i ordered has been out of stock temporarily since the same week i ordered due to popular demands. i see many buyers ordering only THAT particular item i bought. i think around me only i'll truly appreciate the goodness of it cause i've heard alot abt it from youtube. sometimes i wish i know more youtube fanatics ard me. haha.

another happiness derives from the shiseido masks i collected ytd. i can finally try out the famous black mask tonight. yipeee!

what i do in my week of break.

2009-03-20T14:38:00.006+08:00

Patience
is not exactly my virtue.

1) i made myself happy silly by shopping online the past week (or month).
but i haven't even receive my first 'present' from postman aka santa claus after eagerly waiting for 2 weeks. (or more?)
and the 3 more sites i ordered from either haven't even made the order, or just ordered. meaning i've to wait longer for the items to reach vpost, then to seller, then to me! ):
i estimate that i'll be receiving many packages in april.
but by then i would have forgotten my excitement for them.
this is shopping cheap that comes at a cost.
better busy myself with studying from now on so time passes quicker.
no more online shopping anymore!
(until my items reach me safely)

2) my longest wait for a bus is...... 1 hour.
and that happened ytd.
for some unknown reason (peak hour?),
161 refused to turn up.
u know how you tell yourself that it's going to come soon and if you just walk away now you'll regret it? since you've already waited for the past 20 min, 35 min, 50 min...... another 5 min won't matter.
after seeing 3 168s (another long distance bus) past by, with the 3rd one packed like sardine,
i decided to take train.
so i reached hougang after 2 hours.
the moral of the story is,
always set a time limit for yourself and once you leave, never look back.
which i did...not, HA HA.
but i was comforted to know that 161 never appeared at all while i was still around.
another moral is,
SMRT sucks.

i kinda,
miss going to school.
i had more purpose in life.

hi auntie.....

2009-03-18T00:51:00.002+08:00

today is a BIG day.
im as stressed as i were to take an exam paper.
so ya, good luck to me and wish me safety!
=/

i just watched GG,
FINALLYYYYYYYYY......
i can't help but brood over my lost gg episodes i painstakingly dl-ed before....
):

2009-03-16T17:24:00.002+08:00

i want to change my blogskin but im too lazy. it's not very reader friendly isn't it?

i've been reading many random interesting stuff from the net. let me share some! (:

1) britney's new song "ïf you seek amy" actually means F-U-C-K ME.

you can go here-->http://theblemish.com/page/3/

2)

eeps. picture speaks louder than words. she looks just like a loose woman in there. and utt looks forced. you can tell from the picture!

source ---> http://0xymoronical.livejournal.com/?skip=5

3) i absolutely love this song. found it thru bubzbeauty. her site's one of those i check everytime i come online. (:

here!

actually that's about it. i cant rem more. ive goldfish memory.

updates:
my skin is clearing up and its much much better now. but i fear that once i used up my laniege sample packs it'll go back to how it was. which is pimply and dehydrated and large pores and uneven and dull skin tone. ):

so my worries for skincare has more or less lessened cause i've found my remedies. laneige plus masks plus vichy makes my skin happy! i think vichy to a smaller extent and very possibly easily replaced by laneige once i use them up. im so relieved that ive actually went back to looking for more makeup online. hehe. it's super addictive. cause they're wayyy cheaper than if you buy them off the shelves. looking pretty at a lower cost! that's what girls and women have been facing for centuries! unless you're very rich, or you want to be the kind of girl that washes her face with water everyday till you're old.

im addicted to online shopping for beauty pdt. i've already ordered 26 masks plus 5 more yet to order but going to order, 2 makeup brush with sample mineral e/s and blushes and are about to order more e.l.f pdt from a spreeer. hahaha. these are the kind of buys that make me happy. unlike the buys off the shelves, be it beauty pdt or clothes.

so ive been either shopping online, watching youtube online, or studying. it has become increasingly pointless to shop outside in the real world when you're on such a tight budget and just a poor undergraduate wanting to save up for her grad trip.

another update. which is extremely upsetting for me. my computer crashed again, this time without notice. thus i did not back up all my new doc and files. now im left with only old files i had backed up maybe, 3 mths ago? it was apparently due to improper installation frm the last time. i hope my father will get me a new desktop. =/ the most upsetting is the day b4 i dl-ed many new nice songs and i did not transfer them to my hard disk which would be unaffected from the crash cause ive 2 hard disk. i guess i can dl them again, but still, i lost all my website links to gossip girl vids and i lost my dl-ed gossip girl vids! ): ): ): and i actually do care about the fact that i lost my sch related files? i had arranged them so neatly in folders and kept them for exam uses. argh. technology sucksss. i just need a working comp tt gives me access to internet, office applications and photoshop, and limewire. is that too much to ask for? it's the same as how i only need a basic phone to call and sms. and my samsung phone has been on such a good behavior. it has lasted me for 1 and a hald year now. (:

i think im really managing my time well this academic year. im not even panicking that exam is due in 2 month's time cause i know i'll be prepared by then. not now which is actually impt. cause if im prepared now, then i wun be when exam comes. so this part im pleased with myself.

ok so im using my brother's desktop, cause he's in Japan right now with his gf. ): 2 weeks of honeymoon! it's so unfair. while im stuck with 3 songs that i begged others to send me on msn. i simply cant live w/o music. the only good thing is i charged my ipod full the day b4 it crashed.

that's alot of updates right? cause im bored today! tata!

bittersweet song

2009-03-13T00:43:00.000+08:00

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.

more skincare.....

2009-03-04T14:50:00.005+08:00

YAY!
i bought my first Laneige product on monday.......

on credit.

im not broke, broke. i just feel that it's a big spend for skincare..for now at least. (Vichy doesnt count cause it was already a bargain!)
therefore i feel the need to buy it on credit, buy now pay later. at least it makes me feel better.

ok so i really have an insatiable appetite when it comes to obsession...it makes me happy planning and writing down my shopping list and knowing i will own them sooner or later. it's a matter of time! i just love planning for such details! ha ha. when im sad, when im bored, when im fed up from studying, i'll look at my shopping list and add more. then spend another good 10 min thinking if i really need them, then i'll cancel a few. haha! my next lust is..... Laneige star white emulsion! see, according to ISORG (information system organisation) which i just took the test on monday (yup bought the refiner to reward myself), it's said that changes in the organisation has to be incremental and step-wise. a radical change will only result in failure. it applies to me as well! a radical change(like how eve can splurge on estee lauder and lancome........) will just leave me unhappy and broke. a little at a time makes it more rewarding waiting for it. agree?! ok so only cheapskate or poor people will agree with me, but being thrifty is a virtue hello! esp in times of economic crisis.

My Ultimate Laneige Wishlist!
1) Star white emulsion
2) Perfect renew dual touch eyes
3) Homme cool sports skin refiner for the bf
4) Homme anti-trouble range for the bf
5) Multi cleanser

They range in priorities! cleanser is below because i gotta finish my TWO vichy cleansers for now. ): together they cost 64! and the laneige one is only 33! and i keep hearing this youtuber rave about it saying it's 'state-of-the-art'. i suppose this wishlist will take another year to complete...due to financial restrictions and er, product usage restriction. ):

anw, if you're interested who's the unofficial spokesperson for Laneige, it's this girl!

go to this website--> www.bubzbeauty.com

check her vids out! esp her laneige skincare regime. she's a really sweet person. (:

on another hand, im convinced that my blocked pores are here to stay. even facial doesnt remove them cause they nv stop popping out! and they itch esp when i sweat! like on monday, i could feel dirt seeping in and forming more clogged pores. i swear it was 40 degrees out there. and true enough one patch started itching ytd. ): ): why oh why? any facial expert care to help me out? i suppose no...

oh! i did facial for bf ytd. hurhur. actually it only comprises of ponds cold cream, his own facial scrub and foam, laneige toner, rose mask, beaute de kose moisturiser and serum.....ok it's not only. it sounds like a lot. he said if his skin really turns better he's gonna buy me more laneige! well i think it's just those casual remark la. he always say nv do one. ):

it's 4.10pm and outside looks like 7pm now. the dark rain clouds make it dark, yet there was faint orangey sunlight across the land. weird, cranky weather. give me back the dec rain anytime!

oooh, skincare.

2009-02-20T23:39:00.003+08:00

this entry is ALL about skincare and girly stuff, so don't read if it's gonna bore you to tears!

yes i've started my journey on establishing good skincare regime and literally study the millions of products and ingredients in them more than i do for my finance papers. this is what being old and mature do to you (physically i mean), and when we were younger, we did not understand why grown ups put so much funny things on their skin. but like many other things in life, we know more at certain stages of our lives. some slower, some faster, and some never.

it wasn't like i knew i had to do something the moment i turn 21, but rather, my skin started sending signals. ): how i want my youthful skin back!

so i don't have all the money in the world to try everything on the shelves. what to do? research, inquire, and try samples! haha.. i was drawn to the youtube community since last year may, and i still watch them regularly. i don't know any like me, but trust me, it's fun! i don't have facebook, but i would rather watch youtube than spend my time doing virtual interactions. maybe im just more individualistic nowadays. there's this freakin hot guy makeup artist on youtube. while i usually (well always) hold a perceived view on guys who do their makeup on youtube, thinking that they're more or less the feminine type and it doesnt look as good for a guy to have makeup than girls do, this person looks soooooo hot. and he doesnt behave gayish at all, in fact, watching a few of his vids makes me think that he's very guyish but the sensitive new age guy type. you know wat i mean?

so here's his channel, if you're bored or curious.
http://www.youtube.com/user/gossmakeupartist

he kinda looks like daniel craig right? but much younger. but still noone gets a prize for guessing if he's gay. the comments he leave for his youtube friends are so sweet and endearing. plus he's really genuine and talented. HAHA. my point is, through youtube, i expanded my resources for online beauty shops and products, albeit regrettably, most mentioned by the youtubers are only available in US. ):

so i finally joined MUA (makeupalley.com), after hearing about it for several months. it's a community that reviews beauty products online. it's worth it. although i must say sometimes there tends to be information overload. you won't know what to believe anymore after sometime...and some asian brands would be ommited.

i wanna share a really good buy that a girl must have, and according to many hundreds people in the world. and i've used it for about a month.

my best buy would be...Ponds cold cream.

really, noone needs expensive high end make up remover and cleanser. this costs only 6 plus, and it not only removes makeup, but when wiped off (with warm cloth) and left alone till next morning, your skin feels sooo smooth and supple. and it helped my breakouts to become less agravated. many reviewers claimed that their grandmas used this all their lives and they die at 90 looking 50. im not trying to sound like a sales promoter, but when not one, not two, many says the same thing, you just gotta try it, esp when its so cheap right?

i used to diss my sis away whenever she tries to hook me up with any beauty products and skincare cause somehow she always gives bad information or recommendation. plus my skin did not require any special attention. but now im soo into finding good skincare, firmly believing that from 21 onwards, a girl's skin is starting to age. (as experienced by myself, suddenly i find that pimples don't go away and they become breakouts and then, scars.)

i was super excited and looking forward to today. well, yesterday. cause i was gonna redeem free laneige samples! teehee. a youtuber always talks all about laneige and how good it is, so im kinda curious about this korean brand. so yay, i took photos of my 'loot'.

and i bought these trial bottles of vichy a while ago cause they were cheap ...

this is my drawer full of small samples.

wahaha..another reason why these makes me happy is cause i love small things. (:

ok so i know not many now are really into skincare or makeup, as far as im concerned, im the obsessive one, the one that spends too much time 'researching' but well, not buying. simply cause i enjoy the process of knowing more and being able to shop online. today i learnt sth new, this ingredient call BHA is good for people that breaks out cause it chemically exfoliate and cleanses the walls of your pores that are blocked that thus gives blackheads and blemishes. so look for exfoliators (not cleansers) with this ingredient, and they come in the form of salicylic acid and glycoric acid. not sure if i spelt correctly. knowing abit here and there makes you an informed consumer aint it? plus plus, you can't mix this ingredients with sunscreen. im not sure why.

ok skin care aside, im rereading shopoholic series cause the movie's coming out. yay! there's a funny quote inside,
" for years now, i've kind of operated under an informal shopping cycle. abit like farmer's crop rotation system. except, instead of wheat-maize-barley-fallow, mine pretty much goes clothes-makeup-shoes-clothes. (i don't usually bother with fallow.)"

this made me laugh out loud, and prompted me to get my lazy ass out and blog today. so actually, all i wanted to write was this, but i came out with so much more random things, as always. long-winded me. =]

take care!

randomness

2009-01-30T23:54:00.005+08:00

i think i took this quote from the SIM portal, pretty refreshing stuff for a school website. (:

"the rain rains on everyone. Some run for shelter. Some stand in the rain and complain. Others take the opportunity to sell umbrellas. Who do you want to be?"

Gossip Girl blabber!
being the ever analyst (of brainless stuff and not numerics mind you), i reckon from the photos that ed westwick is a loving boyfriend. he looks so sweet in the pics. all the photos including the one they kiss (not shown) show him leaning towards jessica all the time, and making her laugh and happy, while she sits still and listens to him. but again, he's the younger one in the rls, so it explains her steadiness. he looks exactly like a chuck bass even with the unlike chuck bass leather jacket..(:

on the other hand, matthew settle(rufus) is soo damn funny in real life! just watch the vids on GGI and you'll know why. he's like the kinda guy who's not young anymore but still speaks like a young lad thats full of crap. lovee him!
therefore im going to note down his personal quote for quote of the day:

"Women are to be loved, and not understood."

while i wldnt say women are hard to ustand, cause im a girl myself and i THINK im pretty easy to read, the essence of the sentence lies in the fact that if all guys know and embrace the concept, then it wld make life much better and smooth sailing for rls. so this vday, spread the word!

so, no matter if anyone's still reading this blog, i like to talk to myself once in a (long, long)while that's not private, therefore im gonna update on what ive been doing. =]

this new year has been a fruitful year, i collected red packets from people i don't usually get to see on new years, and people whom i didnt even go for visitings or didnt intend to visit. pretty cool right?

but im gonna spend very wisely..every dollar counts, as ive learnt from my just-go-ahead-and-splurge-cause-i-can-still-afford-it attitute that has brought disastrous effect on my balance sheet aka savings.

and ive been rather disccipline since the start of the year, focusing on my personal well-being for the first time. cause i think 21 is a good age to start taking care of ourselves. we may not be successful being students, or ambitious in our career plans, but as long as we know how to take care of ourselves, we can lead a happy and well-balanced life. (: and it's not something easy although it sounds easy.. taking care of yourself requires discipline. having plans and sticking to them. and as a reward you do feel healthier and better about yourself. so one of the few new year resos for myself are....

1)exercise regularly-and i set very reasonable amount for myself cause i know im not too hardworking in this aspect.
2)eat more fruits, drink more water-this would ultimately translates to better health AND skin, isnt this enough reward for yourself already? esp for girls!
3)finding my own skincare regime-cause our skin is just not getting young anymore, and what better to prevent than cure years down the road?

while ive set these resos for myself, subconciously doing and sticking to them makes me less lazy and being motivated each day to wake up and do sth. and im really sleeping alot earlier and waking up earlier now, naturally without force. i cldnt be happier. (:

ok so all those 'good' talks aside, i do sin a lil once in a while, led by bad company(hah!) but i wldnt say they contribute to my happiness as well. hurhur. i came home at 5am this morning cause i was playing overnight MJ-again. mj always lasts at least 4 hours for me. how huh? oh wells at least this time i was playing with girls.. (: and i was the biggest winner. whee!

haven clubbed for a loong looong time...wonder when wld be the next?

sunday's my ultimate well-being day plus clearing up my room day..so off i go, till the next time i blog!(:

rediscovering old hits

2008-12-21T16:08:00.001+08:00

And at the end of the days remember the days
when we were close to the end
and wonder how we made it through the night
At the end of the day remember the way
we stayed so close to the end

we'll remember it was me and you
Cause we are gonna be forever you and me
You will always keep it flying high in the sky
of love

the little prince

2008-11-28T17:42:00.004+08:00

i found this book by chance in the library and i finished it in an hour. i think most people would have seen this book before, long heard and not read by themselves. it's like the "who moved my cheese?" kind of book, but i like it much more. i wish to share the most impt philosophy drawn frm reading the book.

the little prince comes from an asteroid living outside earth. his world is so small that it has only 3 volcanoes that reaches his knee, and one flower that talks to him and whom he loves. and of course he's the only one in his world. he can watch the sunsets 44 times in a day as long as he moves from his spot. so one day he decided to travel out to other worlds and escape from the flower, because proud and vain as she is, she always expects him to treat her with special care, for she believes she's the only one in the universe. the truth is she comes just from a seed but her prettiness masks her naivety. the little prince grew unhappy because he realized that he has taken her words seriously all the time but they are of no great importance. the day he left, the flower told him not to worry about her and not to bother covering her with a glass globe, for she has 4 thorns that can protect herself. she pretends to cough so that she can hide her true emotions from him. she is too proud to show her love for him. only when the little prince reached earth and met the author did he confide that he should never have listened to the flower. and that she shld be treated with tenderness and pity for all that she is, instead of being intoxicated with her. "one should simply look at them and breathe their fragrance." he went on to say that he should judge her by deeds and not by words, and he ought to have guessed all the affection that lay behind her poor little stratagems. he admitted to being too young to know how to love her...

the part about the relationship btw him and the flower i believe is an analogy for love btw a man and a woman. and it touches me alot... such a simply illustration can actually conjure a powerful deep truth behind it. maybe one story can mean different things to different people(and gender). to me, it just means that however obnoxious and demanding a girl is, the guy should look beyond the words and notices the feelings a girl feel. which, is really hard, from experience. that is why under stereotype, older men would have learn much better to know how to love a woman right?

moving on to the next impt philosophy from the book, the little prince met many people on other asteroids before reaching earth. and each man teaches him a lesson. they are all adults to him that acts exactly like how adults act- caring about the unimpt things in life instead of the fundamentals. the king wants power and control, the businessman wants assets that signifies money(but he doesnt know what he wans to do with the money), the geographer disregards things that are ephemeral(including his beloved flower that will die one day), the conceited man hears only praises, the drunkard who drinks to forget that he is ashamed of drinking, and lastly, the lamplighter who stuck by his job even when situation has changed and his job has become difficult and probably unnecessary.

when the little prince reached earth, he saw a garden full of roses-flowers that look exactly like his flower at home. then he was disappointed that his flower is not unique and only one in the universe. after which he met a fox that wants to 'be tamed'. he couldnt ustand why. the the fox said the most impt lines in the book,
"You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed"
for taming the fox forged a friendship/establish ties between them, and the fox will become not only just a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. the process of taming the fox will make him enthusiastic everyday, looking forward to seeing the little prince. the fox will appreciate the time that comes when they meet, and how seeing the golden wheat in the field will remind him of the little prince's golden hair. his everyday mundane life of running frm hunters and preying on chickens will finally be different and he will have a more meaningful life. thus, he wants to be tamed. when the little prince has to go away one day, the fox will cry. but that doesnt mean that taming him has been a bad thing to do. for now he has a friend, one that reminds him whenever he feels the wind in the wheat field. the fox then said another 2 impt lines,
"It is the time you have spent with your rose that makes your rose so important."
"One cannot see well except with the heart, the essential is invisible to the eyes,"

so now the little prince understood that his rose is still unique to him. he said to all the other roses,"you are beautiful, but you are empty. one could not die for you...she is more impt than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that i have watered; because it is she that i have put under the glass globe; because it is she that i have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that i have killed the caterpillars; because it is she that i have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing. because she is my rose."

that's just plain sweeet.

finally, the little prince has to go back home, because his asteroid has moved just above earth. he volunteerily got bitten by a poisonous snake n was dying. the author was upset. but the little prince reminded him that it is his shell that he's leaving behind, for his soul is going home. and one should not cry over a shell, but remember all the good things left behind and things that will remind him of the little prince. such as the stars in the sky. every stars represent different things to different people. for travelers they are guides, for scholars they are problems. but for the author, stars will not be silent. they will be laughing, laughing the way the little prince laughs. for the author does not know which is the asteroid the little prince stays in, therefore every stars would remind him of the prince. and the little prince will also remember how tasty water tastes for the author gave him water from the well to drink.

before the little prince left(to die), he said,"you know...my flower...i am responsible for her. and she is so weak! she is so naive! she has four thorns of no use at all, to protect herself against all the world..."

this entry is preeeeeety long. i tried to summarise as much as i could already. if you think the book sounds good, go find it. the author is Antoine de Saint Exupéry. code: SAIA.

(:

thanksgiving day right?

2008-11-27T21:55:00.002+08:00

i hate doing anything nowadays. including blogging. urghh..
but if there's sth extraordinary tt happened out of my everyday mundane life, i will do it.

my friends in australia are back! the most amazing thing about Man is that we never, NEVER appreciate things ard us until they're gone. if there's even ONE person you know who's not like that, he or she will have to be God himself. just think about how we don't make much effort to meet up with friends we can meet anytime anywhere but the moment someone is not ard anymore, he or she becomes more precious and missed. and therefore meeting up becomes a must and it just fosters more appreciation when we see each other.

boy, this boy has changed much in this 1 year! being in a different environment and getting new exposures and frens really change a person. suddenly we've moved from topics regarding sch and cca (in jc) to army stuff to cars! all the model number comes out like serial numbers in a barcode, and serious discussions about car performance and engines predominate. at least ive had enough exposure to this myself so i can safely say i understand 70 percent of it. but still! it makes me wonder if it's time that I myself has to transit from talking about sch to boys and rls, to pradas and chanels. i think ive been stuck at the second stage for 5 years now. maybe next year will be my own transition phase.

sitting down with the jc grp (with the right people) and laughing has got to be my happiest times by far. although now many are not present anymore, including my dearest girl avee, today's very small reunion brought back a nice sense of fond memory. i don't have alot of chance to experience it, therefore i always cherish it. it makes one rem how and what makes you happy, and what doesnt. for this, im thankful for.

my most used laughter in jc: whahaha.
my most used laughter in uni: haa.
my would-be most used laughter at work: ?

missing out on...life?

2008-11-03T00:48:00.001+08:00

Hello world
Hope you're listening
Forgive me if I`m young
For speaking out of turn
There`s someone I`ve been missing
I think that they could be
The better half of me
They`re in their own place trying to make it right
But I`m tired of justifying
So i say you`ll..
Come home

I get lost in the beauty
Of everything i see
The world ain`t as half as bad
As they paint it to be
If all the sons
If all the daughters
Stopped to take it in
Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin
It might start now..Yeahh
Well maybe I`m just dreaming out loud
Until then
Come home
Cause I`ve been waiting for you
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I`ve ever known
Ever known
So come home

moderately d e p r e s s e d

2008-10-21T23:35:00.002+08:00

ive been, so out of words for a long, long time.

writing used to be a solution to most confusing things that take place. but i just gradually do away with them and move on without giving much thoughts about practically a lot of things. i just stopped giving myself time to think, for whatever reason. now im writing, so its pretty darn serious.

first of all, i opened my msn (already dysfunctioning one) hoping i could get someone to get me a link to the new gossip girl episode. then i saw a BLANK msn with no contacts under all the groups. checked hotmail, all contacts are gone. bravo to wat common people would term- virius. well i was never a fan of social networking system, be it friendster, facebook or msn, so i guess the consolation would be im exposed to the minimal impact of losing all of them.

although i shld have reformatted my comp ages ago, there's never a better time than now. the second depressing issue, which is what i hate most, is losing all my playlists in itunes after reformatting. anyone knows if we can actually save playlists??? urgh. my immaculately done up playlists. which just brings me to think of a depressing thought - nothing lasts forever. it's like whatever i do life just concludes that for me. i know maybe im just turning into someone who sees the glass as half empty, but it's always better prepping yourself for the bad, right?

nothing lasts forever, n so i never care what people thinks. those that wldn't affect me anw. all the superficial things we all sometimes do, superficial relationships that only serves to glorify your life's portfolio but brings no genuine return to you at the end of the day. you can be so darn close to someone but at the end of it, it's not even the bond that you've shared that would matter. it all boils down to how the person values you. at 21 i wld say ive seen and been thru life's lessons i never would learn at a younger age.

i've also been thinking how void my life seems to be presently. im a final year student, yes. being at this stage of my life, i cant help but think of how i want my life to be in future. if you've not given a thought about it, maybe it's time. because all the time all we have to do is follow the steps mapped out for us by the education system. but it's about to change. for the first time, i see 21 year olds looking exactly like how ive seen them to be when i was younger and always associating them to be part of the adult world. if im confusing anyone, im actually referring to the casts from gossip girls. just look at them, and reality just hits me and I start to realise, my life is just about to begin, if not already begun. i am an adult like them too. i can go about paving my own life now, living a life that i would want it to be. but the problem is, i don't know how i want it to be. what i do know is, we dun remain 21 in life. youth comes and go. am i going to just let my youth go wasted like this? the good news is, not all 21 year olds would know what they want to be too. i see people like ed westwick and all other young adults, already living their dreams. even if i have a dream, they would be the nightmares i have at night, or, i wouldn't even dare to go about doing them. they, remain as dreams. unidentified dreams for now.

i don't know when i'll get up to doing something i'll really love and be satisfied at in my life. maybe they'll come naturally when i incidently chance upon a job i'll love, maybe not. maybe i'll turn 30 still not knowing and doing anything satisfactory to myself.

pessimistic entry, i know.

the mother chucker

2008-10-17T19:01:00.006+08:00

hot factors:
-as chuck bass-tard with a vulnerable side
-has actually been faking his american accent throughout the show. he's actually a british with very deep waspy voice and prominent british accent!
-is a fellow 1987 'kid'

he's my new hottie. (:

new ndsi for someone's xmas?

2008-10-03T14:57:00.008+08:00

so, this is the new nds coming out in nov.
read the specs here. it's the place i dl my nds games btw. *hint*

briefly, it's got bigger screens. it comes equipped with a small camera to take pictures. it can play music files. It can store all that content on an SD memory card. it will have its own internal flash memory and will ship with a built-in web browser. BUT the graphic stays the same.

most imptly, "While Nintendo has said that it will release software that is only playable on the DSi, it mostly just plays the same games as the current DS Lite."

i hope this will encourage more nds owners than psp owners. =p i know i still love mine.

D I S C Test

2008-09-23T23:00:00.000+08:00

D - Describes how a person will respond and react to problems.

I - Explains how a person will interact with people.

S - Indicates a person's preferred work pace.

C - Shows how a person will comply with work rules and procedures.

Seng is an optimistic individual. She is the type of person who loves exploring new places or things and a wide variety of experiences. She tends to display a natural charisma that draws others to her charm. Seng is a very encouraging person; others are drawn to her because they find her inspirational.

A loyal friend, Seng is patient and caring when attending to the needs of others. She is usually an even-paced individual who thrives in a peaceful, harmonious environment. She tends to be quite predictable, sticking with proven, reliable methods of dealing with situations rather than taking chances with a new, unproven approach.

Neat and orderly, others usually see Seng as practical. She needs adequate information to make decisions, and she will consider the pros and cons. She may be sensitive to criticism, and will tend to internalize her emotions. Seng likes to clarify expectations before undertaking new projects, and she will follow a logical process to gain successful results.

Because she cares about how others feel, Seng may feel uncomfortable making decisions that strongly affect others. She typically encourages others to be involved in the decision making process and prefers to work in a team role. Others tend to see Seng as agreeable and humble.

my 21 birthday question

2008-09-01T15:02:00.000+08:00

when do you decide what is good for you, and what is bad for you?
when we were young, our mummies say, "eat your veg, it's good for you!"
but you hated the taste of it and you think that's the worse thing you can ever put in your mouth.
at that instance, would you decide for yourself that it's bad, despite what others tell you?

at every point in our lives,
we cannot see what others can see.
even when we grew up and we know this very fact,
we still continue in our ways.
continue to persist in what we think is good or right for us.
in fact, we become even more deaf to people's words.
we may still eat the veg when we were told to do so as a child,
but just look at the adults ard you that doesn't eat veg and you'll know what i mean.
an ignorant person would listen and learn all the good things told to him.
a grown up knows all the good things without being told but doing them are just another issue.
because we've known much more, and therefore we've become much more stubborn.
if we know that something else is better for us,
but persisting in your own way makes you feel better,
then which should be the correct thing to do?

my 21 birthday short essay.

2008-09-01T14:47:00.002+08:00

twenty one is impt not because at 21 we suddenly grow wiser, suddenly gain much more insights than before, or suddenly feel more serious like an adult.
others won't suddenly see you in a different light because you turn 21.
you'll still be the same you everyone knows you to be.
it's only just a hallmark for the years spent living on this earth before that very birth day.
it's like any other birthdays, except for the social significance of it.
cause under the society's eyes, anyone above 21 is seen and treated differently from those under 21.
it's like a cut off date for human beings.
and it's chosen cause it has a nice ring to it.
and it also looks nice on cakes and cards.
people overated it cause people wants to feel impt when given a chance to.
wants to celebrate the milestone they've overcome and let everyone knows it.
and to welcome the life after 21, welcome the whole new experience.
when you're taught that it will be different, then you will feel different.
that's the importance of twenty one.

21 years and 1 day.

2008-08-30T15:14:00.002+08:00

[dil] says:
i dun care your bday is gonna last until the day u meet me

im a happy girl! im happy cause many unexpected well wishes from everywhere including friends in australia. i really really love to be remembered! hahaha! and knowing that someone makes effort. everyone that rem and msged me! muacks to everybody who made my day and are continuing to. (:

dearsunshinegirl

2008-08-15T00:31:00.003+08:00

"hahah ling you're the only one who knows just everything. dont you worry babe you're already beautiful, you don't need to fear, i will always believe in you. we'll be strong together, come what may :) xx! cheers to friendship and believing in love and in believing in the best of." -mun-

i love the way she expresses herself. succinct but fully conveys the feelings behind those words. it had always been this case and it will always stay the same.

"trust is a very interesting, intricate thing. there are people you want to trust, people you refuse to, people you can't help trusting even when they lose it, and the people who will never get it back. trust is also brutal. i kinda feel bad for the people who unwittingly get themselves in a position that causes someone they (maybe) cared for to lose their trust. no, i'm not sorry for myself. self pity is a self fulfilling prophecy.

it's strange to be in a place that you want to be your home, simply cos you've gotta be there, yet feel so terribly detached."

sorry i ripped. i cant't help but want to note them down for myself.
im feeling pretty useless as a friend,
i wun dare to say i know exactly how she feels,
but i would say ive been there before too.
maybe 10 times less than hers.

i always hope to make someone's life more beautiful.
i hope i've tried my best with every opportunity.

admin officer/saikang girl

2008-08-06T01:33:00.004+08:00

started work at citibank as admin temp. these 2 days were saikang days. tearing barcode stickers that contain confidential info of clients off plastic cards. we (moo and another sim grad temp, yes a full graduate) spurred ourselves on by naming ourselves the sticker team, that nobody bothers or even know our existence at our humble dept with a known bitchy boss. the redeeming factor is that our supervisor's qt cute. a girl. i admit i look at girls more than i look at guys. the way she talks n smile is the sweet girl type tt i would think most guys' hearts will melt upon seeing. so moo gets abit shy and abit overly chatty ard her. sounds like both are mutually exclusive but somehow he managed that. it's interesting observing at the way guys act ard girls they think are cute. they just act abit, anormal from usual. haha. i know too much and am too skeptical at guys for my own good, i guess. that's y a smart woman knows how to play dumb when the situation arises. this one, im still learning. most of the time when i appear dumb, i really am quite unintelligent. sheesh.

so 2 days into work and i'll be off for a week's hols tmr. sounds too good to be true right? thats only cause im an unimpt character. im starting to feel that i would rather work in a small company next year..doing sth impt and learning eth abt a company.but of course, working in big companies are always better in spore, like how studying finance now is the hot stuff. same theory. we Singaporeans go with whatever is the best for us, no matter where the interest lies.

i'll be unreachable and really phoneless for a week. i left my phone with J accidentally. sighh..one whole week. away on a national day week some more. i'll be homesick. even though everyone knows that national day serves as a sort of propaganda, it works and i allow it to work on me. i used to be so proud when i watch the parade. now still, just that i nv stay at home on a public hol anymore.

moo's alot of crap. but i tried to rem some of his sayings he claim as 'anyhow say'. cause they're actually quite deep.

"destiny is not a matter of fate, it's a matter of choice." -moo-
"and you, are not my destiny."

"true friends stay no matter the distance. those that don't, are not." -moo-
"so we're true friends right?"

cant rem anymore. ha ha ha. it's too much for a day's memory to absorb. but it all goes like tt. im glad la, tt im working with such a FOS guy. shit tt makes sense. (:

J found a, he said perfect english name for me - Kylene. sounds good? better than kyla?

to my dearest and most wonderful kor, sorry i cant msg u on the day itself, but Happy (in advance) 21st Birthday. many things happen, but we'll always be there for each other, right? (:

the epitome of age

2008-08-01T00:18:00.006+08:00

so recently im into old, old chinese music. cause the new english songs are getting abit too much for me. the whole rnb trend is churning out lots of rubbishy rnb tunes that sound all quite similar to each other. the old sentimental chinese hits are very easy on the ears. meaningful lyrics instead of the trashy ones from the rnb songs. hah. some nice ones i found and recommend are:
guang dao zhi lian by karen mok,
xie yi shou ge by shunza,
ta bu ai wo by karen mok,
zui shou xi de mo sheng ren by elva,
yi ge ren sheng huo by freya,
zhu wo sheng ri kuai le by landy.

sometimes changes are good.
"the only constant is change"
a line written by a friend,
and also the line i rem from Lost.
it should be kept in mind, like one of life's principle or sth.
haha.

i feel abit cut off from the rest of the world.
i must say i've fulfilled most of the things on 'to-do list' i drew up before exams ended.
things that ranged from doing my own chore like sending my clothes for alteration to meeting old friends i must meet at least once in the entire hol, to indulging in the homely recreation(slacking) that is so simple yet much desired during busy periods.
the most under-fulfilled list must be the things to shop for.
sacrificed by fulfilling the rest of the above.
for once, i don't really care.
i'll still be wearing my old clothes, carrying pretty much old things.
but sometimes when one reaches a certain age(or stage/phase), these material things do not take as priority.
partly contributed by the lack of need to meet new people and lack of work as well, they go hand in hand.
to round off and link my first sentence,
i AM cut off from the world.
and im starting to crave for more action.
im a social animal that likes to operate alone in my own nest.
does that makes sense?

im starting to dread the day that's looming closer.
my 21st birthday.
a mixture of anticipation and foreboding.
is it that complicated?
im afraid so.
we'll let tomorrow take care of itself, shall we?

a random fact: i can't forget the taste of some food for as long as i live.
memory is a very selective and tricky thing.
the crabstick drenched in chili that i used to buy from my primary sch canteen.
the salad i had when i visited kor number 2's house few years back.
the thin crust pizza at ice cold beer, the first and only time i've been there.
cravings that simply last forever.

still happy-go-lucky

2008-07-31T00:05:00.003+08:00

i have 1 month to churn out a birthday list.
albeit a short one.
why is it proving so hard to do what i thought is the easiest thing on earth?
i don't want to be 21........

pensive

2008-07-30T23:24:00.000+08:00

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye..

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye..

maybe, i need a job, now?

2008-07-18T23:02:00.002+08:00

holidays has never been so relaxing for me. even without money, i can stay very happy this way. (:
ironically, when i worked in the past holidays, i feel more tired and days flew past without me enjoying and relaxing much. i think i rather be poor and stress-free, making everyday count. but yeah..many things i think twice and thrice before buying. ):

it's july?!

2008-07-01T13:28:00.004+08:00

and i haven finish doing everything i wanted to before exam ended. i have a list! a to-do list, a shopping list. but i've only done half of both of them. how did the days fly by so quickly??and for the past month i haven even been shopping properly. all i did was window shop when im in town and just walking ard, the main activity was really just catching up with frens and having quality time. went ubin once, johor twice, clubbing once, started on my addiction on lost... thats abt it. but i really enjoyed my last week. it was so fulfilling...maybe cause i didnt meet james an entire week. haha.

i dun know where to start. sometimes, time makes u ustand something, even though u thought u had already understood everything at the moment. and not to mention the fact that quarrels bring up more understanding and giving in more after that. anw, some resentment among my frens with their bfs including me and basically we NOT ONLY complain abt them btw us, but also discuss the possibly reasons and merits of their doings. these meetings are always good. firstly, u bitch and let them out. secondly, u get a different perspective and find a reason for the bad things they do. thirdly, u realise the common things guys do just to get away with things they do. fourthly, u rem why u love them. fifthly, u find out the different expectations of different girls in a rls, tt results in whether a rls continues or fails, and the list goes on... i haven been online alot even though it's hols. and im startled to find out some very distressing things my frens had blogged. it's quite worrying actually. so im worried. please meet up soon!

moving on to happier news, ytd was a day that i thought i would feel only a few times in a lifetime, like on my wedding day, or the day i give birth... it's nth as life-changing as those examples given, but it's pretty life-changing and the amount of happiness lasted throughout the day and i must say, the feeling is rare. and im glad i get to experience it.
I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST!
and SPAIN won the euros 2008.
it was a day i had a sacrifice one for another. and naturally i took priority for my driving test. it was scheduled at 1015 in the morning, and when i realised i had to miss the euro finals, i was pretty disappointed. i followed spain's matches the whole tournament, watching their performance and believing they really got the chance to win this year. but im glad they won, and i shared their joy by watching their celebrations on a repeat telecast. it's qt moving actually. maybe cause i'd always supported them and its the 1st time they win something during my supporting years.
and yes, the moment my tester struck off the word, 'failed' behind my test script, i couldnt help smiling. i felt as if i wanted to hug those strangers i got to know in the morning, that had the same driving test session as me. i was even smiling (or rather, trying to look serious) when they played the corny 'graduation' tape for us that shows scenes of accidents and interviews of survivors in car accidents, playing that sad sad music in the background we often hear on charity fund-raising shows. so, yes i passed. my first attempt, a private learner and a manual gear learner. yes, i have the right to be very proud indeed. but i dun have to tell everyone how i nearly almost failed. maybe the talisman really worked its magic. the talisman james forced me to go get it before he went KL.

anw, i still cannot believe i actually have a car license already and i can drive on the road now. it seemed, like i didnt have to face alot of disappointments before i can get it. that made things hard to believe. that made me ask myself the first thing in the morning, i DID pass my driving right? haha. ok maybe im being very dramatic abt it. some people took the test, pass it, and get on for the next few days like any normal days. but on my part, i sent smses notifying people abt it(those tt wished me luck before it), talking abt it the whole of ytd. i told myself, the driving license is sth i must get on my 1st attempt, cause it's gonna be a 21st bday present for myself, before my 21st bday. and i got it. (:

update updates!

2008-06-06T19:54:00.001+08:00

im still ard, still blogging.
and like everyone else in this world, i have just been somewhere and quite out of contact,
but definitely still somewhere.
but now i have so much to say! regardless of who reads it. (:

right after my exams i left for bangkok for hol trip! bought many many many things.
actually, fewer things for myself than i expected.
just a couple of dresses, tops and 2 bottoms.
considered few for a haul from bangkok isnt it?
and the food was so-so only.
i must say, my fav thai food was their famous instant noodles.
with different flavours that cant be found in spore.
n darn i forgot to buy some back.
and also, i drink meiji milk in the night over there.
yummy!
bought many things back for my lj.
im quite excited, cant wait to start working on them. woo!
it was more of a successful trip than an enjoyable trip for me.

so im gonna be concentrating on lj n my website and driving this mth.
no working for me.
and i haven met up with everyone!
qing, dee, mun, kor!
actually, now tt i dun have any schedule to follow (wat to study everyday..),
i could feel it more that everyone's so far away.
that's life isnt it.
thank god for msn!
i just came back to the 'world' of communication with people.
i talked to all those that are not in spore,
and i must admit.
i miss them...
i wanna meet like everyone.
i wanna see them!
hah.
i wan to get back that old sense of familiarity. (:
i want to talk to my gfs endlessly...or hanging out and talking cork with the guys.
not so much clubbing for me.
im old.
lol

thats abt it...short term plan is to PASS MY DRIVING!
ok ive half half chance of passing and failing it.
dun really have the flair in driving. gees.
another short term plan is to pack up my messy room.
organise everything i bought.
my past month spending can be witnessed everywhere in the room.
it's sad and happy at the same time.
i'll definitely need some cashless activities for the remaining hols.
boos!

for all who're studying very hard and having exams, GOOD LUCK!
the darkest time in the night is just before the dawn.
-winks-

guinea pig

2008-05-04T03:14:00.002+08:00

This lil thing is SO freakin cute. Although he does get irritating after a while. and it's supposed to be a guinea pig??? i never knew guinea pigs looked like that?

random youtube post. ciao~

Something new

2008-05-01T15:31:00.003+08:00

I copied and paste this from wiki. I found out something new today while tryin to search for sth on maybelline's website. you will know what i mean after reading off the labels in the table.

L'OREAL GROUP BRANDS (as of 2006)
Professional Products Division	Consumer Products Division	Luxury Products Division	Active Cosmetics Division
• Kérastase • L'Oréal Professionnel • L'Oréal Technique • Matrix • Mizani • Redken	• L'Oréal Paris • Garnier • Maybelline New York • SoftSheen-Carson	• Biotherm • The Body Shop • Cacharel • Diesel Perfumes • Giorgio Armani Parfums and Cosmetics • Guy Laroche • Helena Rubinstein • Kiehl's • Lancôme • Paloma Picasso • Ralph Lauren • Shu Uemura • Victor et Rolf parfums • Vichy	• Dermablend • La Roche-Posay • SkinCeuticals • Vichy Laboratoires • Innéov • Ombrelle

"In March 2006, The Body Shop agreed to a £652.3 million takeover by L'Oréal. It was reported[6] that Anita and Gordon Roddick, who set up The Body Shop 30 years ago, would make £130 million from the sale.

During 1991, the company adopted its current advertising slogan, "Maybe She's Born With It. Maybe It's Maybelline." tagline. In 1996, the company was acquired by L'Oréal.

Shu Uemura sold his controlling interest in his company to French cosmetics maker L’Oreal in 2004 for an undisclosed amount of money.^[1] However, he remained the creative force behind Shu Uemura Cosmetics after the sale."

haha ok maybe some people already know this but i really didnt know Loreal is such a BIG company. It's so big it's scary. look at all those brands under the name...mergers and acqusitions are really relevant in this corporate world. Therefore, there'll always be an effective M&A. (corporate finance).

Also, something interesting to read... i picked this out cause new products from Loreal or maybelline is always widely marketed. there are hard to miss during commercials.
"In July 2007, the British Advertising Standards Authority rapped L'Oréal for a television advert on its “Telescopic” mascara, featuring Penélope Cruz, stating it will make your eyelashes 60% longer. In fact, it only made the lashes look 60% bigger, by separating and thickening at the roots and by thickening the tips of the lashes. They also failed to state that the model was wearing false eyelashes. ^[3]"

actually they shld just market it as the way it is. it sounds pretty good too isn't it? plus, i never knew big companies get scrutinised for advertising their products differently frm the reality too. sure it is an offence, if you buy sth that's different from how the salesperson promoted it to be, you can charge him for misleading you. but the irony is, doesn't commercials all mislead us in a way? then you'll have to charge all of them? what's more with the photoshop and digital enhancing technology today, we consumers all know what we see is not what we get. so, what's the point of charging them right? ha ha.

ya im not studying. dun remind me!

i like this!

2008-04-28T15:21:00.001+08:00

THE DONKEY ATTITUDE

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.
The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out
what
to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be
covered
up
anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbours to come ! over and help him. They all
grabbed
a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey
realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's
amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally
looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel
of
dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would
shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the
animal,
he
would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed
as
the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL :
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick
to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.
Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest
wells just by not stopping, never giving up!
Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less

iwantoshop.

2008-04-21T23:13:00.002+08:00

im so freakin bored of 'effective studying'. but i know i won't forgive myself for wasting my time TRYING to study and then i end up not remembering what i've studied at the end. there is no problem with effective studying, except that my quota a day is probably just 3 hours. and it's seriously NOT enough. and it's esp bad that somehow i start sitting down and turning on my studying lamp only at 1am everyday. and moments after that i have an immense urge to eat supper. urgh! either that, or force myself to study after lunch and then i end up surfing the net after dinner until bed time. it's 3 more weeks to the start of exam. it's not long compared to the amount of work to be squeezed into the time frame, but if u're talking abt the daily routine of trying to maximise your studying quantity until exams, it will turn out to be unbearably long. i know my fellow school mates will ustand what im talking abt.

Life is a soundtrack

2008-04-13T17:52:00.003+08:00

Why don't you and I
Smooth
So beautiful
Yuan you hui
Feng
Stickwitu
Linger
Ode to my family
Blind
I'm yours
Holding on for you
P.D.A
Hands down
Sway
Ride for you
Tian hui
Wo men zhe me le
Tian kong
Sometimes love just ain't enough
Settling
Other side of the world
Lips of an angel
Too little too late
Over it
It was
Wonderful world
Little wonders
Every little thing
Look after you
Big girls don't cry
It only hurts when i'm breathing
Hey there delilah
One last cry
Fall away
Wait for you
Nothing lasts forever
When you're gone
Always getting over you
You and I both
Zui jing hai hao ma

Now, let's move on.

Almost to a year.

2008-04-12T00:11:00.007+08:00

i rem last year... while i sent dee her bday greetings,
i was on the phone at the same time.
young and impulsive i was.
hot-headed and stubborn, very.
it's pitiful when you look at how it takes many many phone calls for 2 people to grow tgt,
but perhaps, only 1 phone call to break everything.
and more amazingly, no phone calls involved to get involve in yet another episode.

inspired by ade. (:
5 items i couldn't live without:
1)ipod
2)phone
3)contact lens
4)shades
5)hair clips

i was very tempted to just put music. but since it has to be an item, it has to be my ipod. phone is like multi-functional, with time and date and alarm tgt with the normal mode of communication, it's a must on the list. contact lens is a must must too. can't live without it. the other 2 isn't the normal items you'd expect on a list like this, but it's pretty impt to me. i esp. hate the sun in my face, and hair in my eyes too. so there.. something interesting to know of a person ya? (:

let me add something...
5 people i couldn't live without:
1)my mum
2)my bro
3)my dad
4)my panda
5)my boo

u know, my mum is soo (SO) impt in my life. she makes an impact everyday, with or without my knowledge. i want to eat the meals and food she feeds us all my life. hur. my silly brother who's become my lifetime playmate since i suck on milk bottles. my dad who's like uh, a financial supporter for everything i have and possess. for making the family to be what we are today. without him, my mum wldnt be able to purchase some few thousand dollars (branded) wok and pans without much hesitation. (this is slowly evolving to sound like a thank you speech....gee.) my panda, cause he's always waiting faithfully for me to return home everyday and every night. and he stays with me whether rain or shine, and nv deserts me or shows displeasure when i fail to appreciate him. and also, he studies with me, making it less lonely. what? he's not JUST a soft toy. he's impt enough to be considered a 'person' in the list. my boo. self-explanatory.

new toy.

2008-03-20T02:47:00.007+08:00

I Love My Toys White.

And yes, the calculator is my toy too.

it's the sisters affair.

2008-03-19T23:57:00.003+08:00

my sister drives me up the wall, periodically. meaning, it's a cycle that nv stops. unless she moves OUT of the house. then we will all have peace. i will be the first to jump for joy, followed by my mum. but even though my mum talks bad abt her all the time (again, periodically.), i can truly ustand the meaning of 'all mothers love their child' from her. no matter how bad my sis treats her, by bad it's not like the abusive kinda bad or hate her kinda bad, but the rude, treat-her-for granted, self-centred and scold her kinda bad. my mum will still always make sure my sis gets what she wants, prepare what she needs, take in her small scoldings. but as a sibling, i do not have the same love for her as compared to what my parents will have since the moment she's born. and thus, i feel the need to rant a lil. pardon me.

SHE, walks into MY room as if it's her second wardrobe, except that she does them either when im sleeping, or when im not ard.
SHE, doesn't even take care of MY things when she borrows them, and when mishaps happen, she claims ALL the time that 'when things get old, it's like that!'
List of damaged items:
1)she goes to the gym wearing my shoe WITHOUT socks. and i think it has been years alr only tt i caught her red handed only recently. GRR.
2)earrings changed colour only after she wore it and she claims that 'silver earrings are like that'. prob is ive had it for 2-3 years and it was nv 'like that'. and i highly suspect she sprayed perfume with the earrings on. but will she admit? of course not.

as im typing, she came into my room rummaging my clothes again, attempting to take my 2 tank tops away, wearing them alr countless times. more than i have. one of them,

3) tank top with many disgusting threads running out of the delicate netting. and as usual, she said 'old clothes when worn many times are like that'. worn many times by WHO. if you try to sell me sth that looks old, and say, "clothes when worn and washed many times will always look LIKE THAT(old), doesnt matter right?" WILL YOU BUY?!?! -agitated-
4) worn-once shirt and she took it away, and returned with a button missing. fabulous. the button cannot be bought anywhere else, thus i have to remove another side and sew both on to keep the sleeve up. it's new ok. it's N-E-W!!! GRRRRRR.
5) FCUK handbag with skins peeling out only after she has been using it (note: has been.). and what she said? "old things are like that! the quality is not very good...." *&^%$@!

it's nv so easy with sisters. u'll think i can just bar her from taking any of my stuff? i can live without using her stuff (which is only on rare occasions cause i hate using pp's stuff. and they'll be one-time only.). but it's hard to say this sentence,"hey! stop using my things!" because
1) she's the oldest, and the most domineering one in the family. pp listens to her! yeah right, in her own world.
2) noone can ever talk nicely to her. her defense is so strong it triggers the moment she sense sth coming her way. when she starts an argument with somebody, that person always ends up having high blood pressure. let her have the last word. she wins all the time, only because she listens to nothing you say, and shout at you for everything u've done since you were born. uh huh. so, wld i want to risk this situation?

and of course, other old items that i didnt keep in mind. and if you think they're little, it's BECAUSE SHE CAN'T WEAR MY BOTTOMS AND MOST SHOES!

not to mention she has the habit of keeping the things she borrow and nv returning them until one day i realise i need it. if i nv need it or realise it, means it'll permenently be hers. and the most irking part is when im rushing for time and she keeps my mascara deep within her trash in a box that i have to dig everything out WHEN im rushing for time. and no matter how pressed for time, i'll always put things back for her cause i wld hate the idea of coming home and finding my stuffs being thrown out of place, so i wldnt do it to others.

and you think it's so fun having a sister to share your clothes?

get out of the house will ya. u've no contribution to the house at all. except for well, troubling us all the time with the things u need to do but cant do well. like, printing a map from online?? moments ago she just needed me to tell her how to print in bnw scale, and then ended up printing FIVE pages of the whole page from online, thinking that the printer will print the page that her scroll stopped at. omg.

am i being an evil sister?

no.

p.s: my shopoholic series 1st book has been taken away for her KL trip tmr. i treat my books with TLC. she better not.....

fun fact for the night.

2008-03-06T22:07:00.004+08:00

Who Handles Break-Ups Better?

Anyone can end a relationship -- it's dealing with the aftermath that's hard

Some relationships end with fighting. Some end with crying. Some end with sex. Some end with verbal insults (or dishes) being thrown at sound-barrier-breaking speeds. Whatever the case, break-ups can be uglier than some Dancing with the Stars performances. Let's face it: some relationships aren't meant to be, so a break-up averts a bigger disaster. So when the Love Boat hits the iceberg, who handles it better? My answer: Women. Several studies show that men experience more depression, distress, and anxiety after break-ups than women do. Men might like to come across as being tougher than overcooked steak after a break-up, but the truth is that they're actually more the consistency of jelly.

Believe me -- I see the letters of hundreds of men desperate for advice on how to win their ex back. Here's why some men come undone during a break-up:

Men Mask Their Pain
When a guy is dumped, his first reaction is: I'll show her. How he sometimes does it: With a couple pitchers and a night out with the guys. In fact, 26 percent of men say that the dumped party should get drunk with the guys after a break-up, according to a Men's Health online survey.

But those beer swillers are actually in the minority: 36 percent say a guy should look at his new ex, smile, and thank her. The thing is, both of those reactions are exactly the same thing-masks for their true feelings. They can't deal with being hurt, or angry, or bummed. It's not until after they get past their initial reaction that men actually mourn the loss of the relationship.

Women are more likely to cry soon after the breakup, and they're also more likely to use straight talk when ending a relationship, studies find. So women face their relationship blues head on, and get them out of their systems earlier. Many men tend to repress their reaction, so it lingers like basement mold.

Men Have Fewer Friends
One of the reasons why women can get over sour relationships faster than the guys they breaks up with is that women have an amazing network of people to latch on to. Research indicates that men depend on romantic relationships for emotional intimacy and social support, whereas women are more likely to turn to family and female friends to satisfy those needs. Mothers, sisters, friends, hairdressers, cabbies, whoever-the more times she tells the story about what a jerk he was, the better she's going to feel.

A man, on the other hand, stays corked. Often he shrugs off a break-up with a shoulder shrug, shoots a Jager shot, and tries to convince himself that he's not upset. That is, until about six months later, at 1AM after the fourth pitcher, when he confesses to his buds that all he ever wanted is for Janelle to take him back.

Men Hate Starting Over
After the break-up, a man may feel an initial surge of excitement of future prospects-the women he's yet to meet. But after three, four, or two dozen dates, he realizes that it's going to take a long time to reach the level of comfort he had with his ex. Research conducted at Carnegie Mellon University suggests that women adjust better to the end of a relationship because they've already given consideration to the possibility of a break-up, whereas men are typically unprepared for it.

While that sense of emotional security can't be the only reason to stay together, it also makes him realize that he was very lucky to have a woman like her. Meanwhile, she's already moved on. And perhaps the only time he lets his guard down enough to admit the emotional truth is when he's drunk dialing her. And that's too little, way too late.

Men Idealize the Dating Game
Many breakups are a knee-jerk reaction to what men perceive as stagnation: He's bored with the same restaurants, the same petty arguments, the repetitive sex. Once he's back on the prowl, he thinks, he'll be bedding 10s and living the high life. After the break-up, however, he quickly realizes that the singles scene isn't all champagne and half-naked strangers -- it's work.

Instead of the exciting bar scene, he finds that he misses the intimacy of his past relationship. Studies show that women consistently outscore men on measures of social, sexual, and intellectual intimacy--and women are often quicker than men to realize that intimacy provides the foundation of a lasting relationship, not the sexual thrills.

Nice song.

2008-03-03T22:53:00.003+08:00

挑一張耶誕卡寫上滿滿祝福的話
地址寫的是心底你能不能收到它
天有點冷風有點大城市寧靜而喧嘩
這一個冬天我得一個人走回家

問自己習慣了嗎
沒有你每到夜裏回聲變得好大
有沒有什麽好方法讓寂寞更聽話

你最近還好嗎是不是也在思念裏掙紮
你說會記得我還記得嗎
你最近還好嗎
忙碌嗎累嗎心還會痛嗎
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快樂出發

有再多的牽掛都已沒有權利表達
舊情人給的問候比陌生人還尷尬
昨天遠了明天還長回憶模糊但巨大
這樣的深夜眼淚要怎樣不流下

Holy....

2008-02-24T23:54:00.002+08:00

7 Things that messed me up today:
-the Viwawa that lagged when i was esp desperate to win for a few more gold for THAT red hair.
-the burning smell in the air that makes me feel sick
-my parents will be gone for a week and i'll be without food at home for SEVEN days.
-my before-period oily complexion that causes my hair to go unmanageable somehow as well.
-my pms
-secret.
-no mood for studying cause of everything above.

URGH.
it's one of those days.

omg.check out her boobs.

2008-02-24T23:03:00.001+08:00

3am

2008-02-22T02:34:00.003+08:00

im kinda addicted to viwawa.com.
at this point of my time when im 1 week away from mock exams.
sheesh...
the mahjong and daidee there really took a while for getting used to.
usually u're only given 5 secs to deal a card or tile before they skip you automatically, or for the case of mahjong, they simply gave away your tile. (HEY!)
and as much as i was cursing and complaining inwardly how i NEVER even get near to half the chance of picking the right tiles or cards as compared to real life, i couldn't peel myself away from the pop-ed up window, with the catchy backgrd music that so invitingly lured me to stay on clicking away.
GRR.
i was SUPPOSED to finish my mm matrices today...!
and oh gosh.
some guys privately started a convo window with me and asked for age, intro etc.
it took me back to the IRC days for a while.
and i just said im 15 and from sn, cause it just sounds like the right age to be at such a channel/website. then of course, i stopped entertaining such convos.

sth surprsing discovered by me today: there's a new SN principal, and apparently it's been years (?!).
the more surprising news is she's actually daniel soo's mother.
daniel soo? that guy from ceejay t12 that retained? rings a bell?
so...me and eve are gonna head for their last food and funfair at the sch before they tear the whole building down.
sad ):
food and funfair was really one of those highlights in every sn gal's life in sn.
not a single one will be left out preparing for this public sch event.
sn is a sch of fun and studies balanced equally,
unlike cj tt did both horribly. ahha. rhymed.
coincidentally, i dreamt of a scene from sn 2 days ago.
dreamt that i had to wake up at 6 plus for morning sch,
but i cldnt wake up, cause i haven been to such a morning sch system for a long long time.
then i reach sn at 9 plus, when lesson had already started.
then i somehow joined the class, and was thinking to myself, "what lessons do i have today? how many period was GP?"
i know, i mixed both jc and sec sch days tgt. haha.
but it felt weird when i woke up, realising that those "8-2pm school days" and "lessons in periods" days were over.
now it's OTOT.
i go sch, because i want to keep up with work, and not lag behind.
not because every other frens you know of are going the same place as you, and if you don't go, you're just not following the directional signs laid out for us.
now everybody has their own directional signs done up by themselves.
we can live in our own world if we want.
sounded good when we were still young huh?
but it's hard not to miss those days.
and people change, people change!
even if you hold on to those shit endearingly, others won't.
it's no longer precious.

"just keep swimming..just keep swimming..." - dory

study hard, work hard, play hard, live life worthy.

read if you're nosy, like me!

2008-02-15T17:30:00.002+08:00

Latest News!
Kira received 7 million HK dollars, disappears forever.
Beijing, Feb 12, 2008

The curtain has dropped: According to friends in HK, all the photos we have seen thus far were screen captures from videos. Gill’s photos were the first 10 minutes of the video, why? Because it was a used as a bargaining chip for extortion. Secondly, the audio of the video involves the reputation of many other big-name celebrities.

Kira’s upload on the 9th, 4:45 is the last upload from Kira. He had an agreement with EEG in the amount of 700 hk dollars. Why did Gill’s manager said Gill would appear on the 11th? Because they have came to an agreement with Kira. After the money is received he needs 24 hours to confirm payment, also time for him to flee. As a matter of fact, the photos he has have already been uploaded to various free servers in the United States and Europe. If the discussion does not fall into place or if anything were to happen to him, he has set automatic emails that would email the links to his trustworthy friends, so they can spread the files. The reason Gill appears in front of the media on the 11th, and the fact that she had a big smile on her face, was because she knew the ordeal has came to a rest.

Gossip
The photos actually were stolen a long time ago. At first Kira talked to Edison, asking for 5 million HK dollars, but was not agreed upon. Edison was afraid he won’t be able to get back all the photos. He looked for Yeung Shou Cheng (EEG’s president) to help him on the matter. Eventually, Kira released some information to the media, the magazines last year briefly mentioned this matter. However because of EEG’s influential power, magazines were afraid to show the photos nor pay Kira. Through the help of magazine’s editor, one of the three members from Kira’s group was found. He knew whether he surrender the photos or not, he was doomed. He did not say anything while being question, and was eventually killed. The other two then fled to Southeast Asia, and again try to distort EEG and Edison. Befor the matter gains public attention Edison already knew, because both parties could not agree on a price, this time Kira was asking more than 10 millions. Edison took a private car to Shenzhen, then to Macau, took a private plane from his dad’s friend to the United States, and look for Vincy Yeung to help his cause. Yeung Shou Cheng thought he could handle the matter, but eventually it was still not solved. Kira has decided to raise the price, and released the photos the night when Edison fled HK. Since that day Kira has been raising his price every day. It is believed Kira is in Thailand and Indonesia, and Kira is a group of two, and the data has been uploaded to the United States.
Do not think you have seen the best of all, why hasn’t C10’s and Maggie Q’s photo being released? Because Kira hasn’t gotten the right price, or because of safety reason, there isn’t a safe way for him to get paid.
Right now, both parties are fighting. The involvement of HK police has propelled this tension to its maximum. If Kira is sure he couldn’t get his money, there’s gonna be a monster upload, but not all. The reason is because there’s heavy involvement from other celebrities, including HK, China and Taiwan. If Kira wants to live longer than Edison, he would have to have something to protect himself from.

It is obvious what is going to happen to Edison, he’s going to die unnaturally.

Vincy’s 3 photos was a declaration of power to EEG, showing Kira has even better materials. This action forced EEG to come to the table, leaving the police behind. Bobo’s photos that were uploaded today were no longer of importance, since she was only a sacrifice in this whole matter. However, Vincy, C10 and Maggie Q, definitely will not be released today. Because this is Kira’s ultimate chip. And the most controversial material in Kira’s collection? I dare not say, because I don’t want to die before Edison does.

Trust my information and do not ask me where the information is from. Use your head to decide whether this is true.

everything above is ripped from another website. it's too interesting not to be posted for sharing. hee. everything just shows how dark the entertainment business is in hong kong. we're so innocent and protected in singapore, thank the Lord.

I love vday!
it was thoroughly enjoyable. even lesson was easy to pass.
me and eve and sf exchanged pressies like in the past..sweet sweet!
then i had a very sumptuous dinner, a walk at the beach, taking photos, talking briefly about serious stuff, then giving presents!!
he had the surprised and happy look as he ripped open the wrapper.
and im immensely proud of my card.
it was a scratch and win card that i wrote everything on my own.
the 'prize', the terms and conditions and the 'note from management (me)'.
muahhha.
no present for me, but still got a big big sunflower, that's attracting alot of insects on it right now.

panda and dada celebrated vday too! haha.
yays, i feel happy and blissful, esp compared to those filing for divorce or haunted by the sex scandal photos.
(:

ktv session.

2008-02-11T22:43:00.000+08:00

eeps. love the songggg.

juicy gossip for pastime

2008-02-11T21:30:00.000+08:00

im not going to reveal my source.
(for reasons being pictures are NSFW. i don't want porn on my blog!)
all i can say is i found a very entertaining blogger reporting on the edison chen's sex scandal.
and updating his site with the latest news, in chronological order.
here's some paras ripped:

My knowledge of celebrity doesn’t extend too far beyond English speaking countries, so I don’t know much about it. Just that, now, more pictures have come out of these girls and include one more girl, Cecilia Cheung and… CHRIST ALMIGHTY, IS THAT THING ALIVE DOWN THERE? Kill it! Kill it!

I just want to say to the ladies letting their partners take pictures of them in a state of undress, please, for the love of god, wax or at the very least trim. Every time I see these sex scandal pictures I always feel like I need a safari hat and machete just to make it through all of them.

I don’t know why the media is chastising Edison for this. Over here in America, when an actor tapes himself screwing the biggest celebrities in the country, every guy he meets on the street will give him a jumping high-five and every girl he filmed will get even more movie deals and record contracts.

Finally, I offer you this quote from a commenter by the name of YM.

It’s a PR disaster. They should not have claimed that the photos were faked in the first place. That drew a bunch of Photoshop experts to the scene and delivered crash courses on Photoshop techniques. Not to mention an even bigger audience who came for more earthly purposes than to learn Photoshop 101.

They should not have cried bloody murder in such high pitch to attract police attention. You know, police in HK are so servile these days. So they made arrests like crazy, and their false interpretation of the laws muddled the distinction between “crime and sin” which ended up attracting even more people to speculate on the what, who, when, where, and how.

You have to take a look at the sheepish smiles of the police spokesman when he clarified that sending those pics to your friends is okay, but not to the public…(Aside: so those asking for their mailbox be filled may be setting traps for you.) and that there are thousands of those pics, not just a handful.

That kicked off the witch hunt for the rest of the pics — precisely why most of us are gathering here day in and day out.

Pity that the HK police had to pull up the Interpol stunt which failed to ward off the crowd anyway.

The updated uploads are probably due more to making protests to the police’s actions than to serve the public’s interest in this matter. If the photos were taken from EDC’s hard disk back in 2006, there is high chance they’ve been spreaded around for some time already. So there’s no surprise that people more knowledgeable in Internet hide-and-seek will come up to challenge the HK police.

BTW, EDC was using a Mac — running an OS with much acclaim of its security — yet won’t stand a chance with a clean boot CD to reset the admin’s password. Probably the word “encryption” is beyond EDC’s English standard, and the product “truecrypt” escapes his technical radar screen, if any.

It’s a good PR lesson. Usually PR disaster were due to doing too little too late, with an intention to hush up. Yet this saga is totally the opposite — people are doing too much too soon and in such a loud voice too.

So, what have we learned? If you’re going to make sex tapes of your girlfriends, be sure to use True Crypt 5.0 and if they’re leaked, run as fast and as far away as possible. Also, make sure you trim your bush. That part is probably the most important.

A Maggie Q sex tape was rumored to have been posted on a large forum, but was quickly taken off by forum moderators. i think EVERYONE wants to see this particular one huh. girls or guys.

In his first response since the scandal, he urges people to destroy the nude photos via a video message sent through his lawyers, Edison says,

“I’ve decided to break my silence today and make this statement to the media and to all people involved in this strange ordeal. Recent documents being posted online have been intentionally hurtful and malicious not only to the victims but to our whole community.

“I have already handed matters over to the police and have been assisting them with this case from the first day onwards. Due to ongoing investigations, I am unable to comment any further upon this case.

“The lives of many innocent people have been affected by this malicious and criminal conduct, and in this regard I am filled with pain, hurt and frustration.

“I hereby use this opportunity to apologize to anyone who has been affected by this strange, strange ordeal [Ed. note: Huh?!].

“I now call upon everyone to help and assist the victims of this case. If you have ever downloaded any of these images, please do not forward them to anyone. Please do not send them to anyone. If you are still in possession of these images, I urge you to please destroy them immediately. Let’s help the wounded heal their wounds. I urge you to help the victims and not make anything worse.”

You mean these photos? You want me to destroy them? Like, delete? Forever? Oh, right away your majesty! Your wish is my command. May I wipe your butt too? Yes? Fantastic!

See the video here.

he didnt even apologise to the girls please. what a big fat loser. he thinks he's the victim here, his speech obviously doesnt convince, nor did it get any sympathy from us. My respect to gillian for standing up for the first time today and admitting she was young and childish that time. i hope edison wun be getting any sex for years to come. even from prostitutes.

cheap men.

2008-02-05T22:59:00.000+08:00

i dunno wat to blog abt...!
im under the pressure of writing something that will be interesting enough.
something that won't make me sound perpetually sad.

1st thing that popped into my mind,

new found photo of ayumi that quickly became my current wallpaper.
im like the only person around me going gaga over her. (since sec days k)
not even any guys that i know of.
why??
isn't she the most gorgeous and charismatic and talented
(and the list goes on..) star you can find for the past 10 years?
let me provide more photos for persuasion...

music is her life!
she's born to be a star, just like some megastars around. (and yes, britney is one of them. although she turns out to be a crazy nut nowadays. but really, it's not her fault. that's my opinion. she spent her youth under the public's eye so much that she grew up being warped.)
anws, her being deaf in one ear.
how would you feel if you live your whole life for something and you lost part of the ability for it?
it's like you've lost part of your life!
no reports of any depression from her,
just her saying she'll continue singing cause that's what a professional singer will do.
-claps for her courage and being so strong-
okay, enough of propaganda.

dee says i disappeared into thin air.
where got....still 15 min walk away from you whatt.
and you'll see me for bai nian sooon. hehe.
im gonna perm my hair..finally..!
if i look like medusa after that,
then maybe you won't see me afterall.

life is has been quite private for me,
that's all i can say.
it's different from the times i could blog abt anything and everything about what i do..
cause it made my day, make me sad etc.
it's been too eventful.
hah hah.
extreme sadness, extreme happiness, all rolled into days of my life.
like soap opera.
thus, me going private. blogging private.
=]
maybe it's part of growing up, or maybe it's the life i lead now,
or even maybe of influence,
i feel that i don't need and don't wish for many friends.
just those that matters.
they may be new friends, may be old friends.
as long as i can be myself with them... then they'll be enough for me.
(:

am i "emo-ing'' again?
gosh.

anw, there's an interesting fact i read from the chinese newspaper.
yes chinese, cause i was kpo-ing about the edison chen's scandal.
lol.
then i read that an average person is at their most depressed at 44 years old.
it's call the mid-life crisis.
so it's real..not an excuse made up by adults for being sad about their age.
it also says that a person's lifetime happiness is a U-shaped curve.
which reminds me of the U-shaped economy downturn my macro t-cher was talking about,
as compared to a V-shaped one. (rem????)
it says when a person reaches their golden years,
they'll be back to as happy as they were at TWENTY.
HMMMS.
so is being 20 supposed to be your happiest year in life?
hah hah.
maybe,
maybe.

time for my mj sessions with bro and gf again.
bro said he's gonna get nintendo wii frm msia.
and he bought new sims ps2 game - castaway for me already.
sheesh.
he's gonna lure me into the den of evilness....

Student pledge recited for 4 years daily

2008-01-12T19:17:00.000+08:00

We, the Pupils of CHIJ St.Nicholas Girls' School, Pledge that:

We will strive for excellence, always working hard to achieve all round development
and balanced lives.

We will be good daughters at home, loving and respecting our parents and all other members of our families.

We will be good students in school, loving and respecting our principal and teachers.

As fellow students, we will be sisters to one another.
We will, as a mission school community, strive to promote
truth, justice, freedom and love, always upholding our school motto, Simple in Virtue, Steadfast in Duty.

And we will be dedicated and committed to the security and future of our country, always working towards a nation that is gracious and continually progressing.

sandflies are cute..i love them.pls infest them on me.

2008-01-11T17:26:00.000+08:00

what if one day you realised your whole life is planned out for u?
things that happened you thought u had control over with.
God was just manipulating us to walk the path he set for us,
cause he knows what we will do.
it won't be a forced path walked, it is a path He knows we will walk.
making it seem as if we can control our decisions and destiny, but actually how we control it, has already been foreseen and it will stay that way, whether you know it or not.
the saying, "destiny is in our hands, but fate is not". how much truth is there?
maybe destiny IS fate and fate IS destiny.
we're fated to have that destiny.
haha.

today, i thought i was the saddest person on earth.
all original plans were cancelled just the night before, all because of sandflies.
it's ha-ha funny if you know it n read it, but not to me.
it's infuriating, as usual.
so i made alternative plans.
i had to find my way to pay exam fees by myself,
only to find out eve suddenly cancelled on me, cause she's suddenly sick.
so all i had to do, was the action of dropping a cheque into the cheque box, and i can head for home alr.
my friendly neighbour was all helpful in making sure i cld find my way there.
i called dee, no ans.
i called sp, she said too last min dun feel like coming out.
i msged kor, knowing there's no hope for company from him, but just to tell him im sorry if i was ever not there for him, cause i felt the need for his company now n i cant get any.
sf said once she'll fly to me if i call her for help, but today, she's not in spore. how to fly?
i ended up walking ard fareast on my own, determined not to make it a wasted trip.
i was actually qt happy.
shopping is a therepy, it actually makes all else be forgotten temporarily.
so i didnt turn out as sad as i thought my day will be, although it is qt sad.
then my 'brother' called me for lunch.
out of the blue, and impromptu.

i know friends won't be with u all the time.
and it's understandable.
but do you know how it feels when just one of them is there when you need company?
im not kiddin when i alwiz tell my kor,
"friends are forever,
boys are whatever."
a childish statement but it's just damn right for me.
if im given certain privileges in life, and you're not,
don't make yourself sound pitiful as if i have to be the same as you, if not im in the wrong for never able to understand how it's like to be you.
one fine day tell me, im never this and im never that, without the slightest complaints beforehand.
cant even talk things through. what more is there to say?
as if when you do such things, ive to realise all along ive let you down and im supposed to be terribly sorry about it.
give it as an outburst as a reason/excuse.
blame me for being intolerable to nonsense and bullshit then.

goodbye.

2008 1st entry.

2007-12-30T16:22:00.001+08:00

Panda had nice roses last xmas.

finally done with all the livejournalling.
it has been taking up so much of my time, and nights.
and taking up my mind space too, whenever i have nth to think about.
it made me slacked off from studies and im down to neutral gear already.
gosh.
i need to do well this year...it's only the 2nd last year of my student life.
this semester's quite different.
hectic yet not without time for enjoyment.
hectic partly because of enjoyment. makes sense?
no, im not that happening.
days just zoom past when ur hecticness is filled with partly fun and partly seriousness.
maybe some will say it's fulfilling.
i hope so too.
it's about achievement.
if my time schedule is hectic, yet i dun get any results (i.e good results? good outing or bonding session with friends? strengthened rls with loved ones?), then they're purely SLACKING.
time spent unnecessarily.
oh so truly sinful.
and yes, my past 3 weeks (thank God i decided to keep an organiser) were sinful.
partly worth it, in hope that the next time i picked up the notes,
i'll be recharged.

my brother came back from his europe exchange, finally!
it's back to mahjonging session once again.
never a bored night it'll be.
study-mahjong-school-towning-driving-livejournaling.
my concentration hasnt been on friends, my bad.
my mind can only occupy so much stuff.
but i do appreciate them. (ya da ya da, all talks and no action?)
anw, i don't believe that friends go when u dun spend enough time with them.
if they do, they're just friends passing by in your life.
anws, my brother brought back very nice Godiva chocs and kinder bueno white choc.
not seen in spore, i dunno why i find chocs very delicious past few days. ^^
hols season, eat and eat and eat...
one wedding dinner, two xmas eve and xmas dinner, two birthday dinners, one healthy but filling buffet steamboat treat on new year's eve... and counting. plus the "non-school days" syndrom - waking up late and sleeping late results in brunch, late lunch, late dinner, and suppers!
one more wedding dinner, and cny coming up.
and no exercising because the weather simply makes me want to slack on the bed, no perspiration please.
part of me wants the sun again.
so i can hide in the freezing library and mug,
so i can go swim cause the weather's too hot.
i slept from 4 to 4 the day before yesterday.
im transforming into a pig.....

ok, new year resolution coming up.
recapped: last year's resolution,

"i think my year is gonna be a good year. cause i received a message from God.
it was in the form of the longest and biggest rainbow i've ever seen in my life. which probably doesnt mean much.
but still, it's 1st january 2007 and i got to see it just in my neighbourhood! it's fate. i could have continue sleeping on my nice cosy bed rather than have dinner with my parents in cwp. and i could have missed it. but i didnt! so it means i should take more initiative this new year, not laze and sleep so much. then i will receive the pot of gold at the end on the rainbow. =]

so anw, these will be my new year resolutions:
1)stop msn.
2)be a bookworm and mugger.

short and sweet."

LOL. not really THAT good a 2007 aye?
many things happened...
and i learnt much. really.
not only from rls, also about how fragile life is.
the deaths around me.
how im learning to live life as how it is given to me as a gift, not to be taken for granted.
n how i realised i just want to sit down and talk n find out more about my family if i can.
i may see them as a very small part of my life at this stage, with studies, aspiration, own rls frens blah,
but to my parents, their children is their whole life. my dad's looking forward to retirement, and my mum has been a housewife all along, taking great care of us. i learnt this. i realised it.

so for my new year resolution (strange this new year felt nothing to me):
i hope that life continues to be good to me.
and im turning 21, so i guess i'll hope for more life enriching experiences, for me to grow up into a real adult.
they sound like wishes to me. hmm.
ok, i resolute to...
treat my loved ones with tender loving care from now on.
(:

happy new year people,
thanks for reading through this long post.

O Merry Merry 2008..

2007-12-23T15:02:00.000+08:00

Santa santa please revive my youthful and bouncy self.
haha..
in life, many chances are once in the lifetime.
things that you won't be able to get again once time has passed.
like, childhood.
everybody has our own set of memories and childlike games unique to us.
neoprints? stupid now, but made us happy once.
luminous sportbras (in SN), so tacky now but once a symbol for being 'fashionable' to (vain and maybe bimbotic) young girls.
the swing i used to visit with bestie, but now no longer possible anymore..
so much things come and go.

i understand.
10 years down the road,
there'll be many things i will look back and reminisce too.
but i hope they will be memories that have no regrets.
memories that i know i cldn't have done better than i already had.
because the definition of such memories, doesn't equal to winning all the time.
it may equals to losing something precious, but gaining another equally precious thing too. and at times, not so precious.
heartbreaks, sadness, opportunities at that one time that shatters or make you.
it's just how we all grow up.
make full use of your life,
go for what you really want.
right?

Permanent Monday

2007-12-23T14:59:00.000+08:00

Falling leaves like a blanket at my feet
There's a canopy of stars
And I just miss you like crazy
Suddenly the world's too big
And the hours move too slow
And I just wish that you were holding me near

Seven days, it feels like a year
You whisper through the line
You know I miss you like crazy
So baby can you steal a plane
A boat, the fastest train
You know it just don't feel the same when you're gone

'Cause everytime you go away
The sunshine starts to fade
Frozen by the hands of time into a
Permenant Monday
Take me back into your arms
And don't ever let me go
'Cause when I see you walk through that door
I'm not lost anymore
I'm home
I'm home
(Yes I am
And I miss you like crazy)

I won't sleep until you're finally next to me
Can't wait to breathe you in
Don't wanna waste my time dreaming
I just wanna treat your name like a whisper on my skin
And never have to say goodbye again

'Cause when I feel you right here close to me
Everything is where it's supposed to be, baby

huh?it's dec!

2007-12-02T19:53:00.000+08:00

this is our 'letter of condolence' that will become part of the book of condolence to the family of jeremy goh, the sim student involved in the dragon boat incident.
first time writing such a letter, didn't know how to put our feelings into words, thus it came out sounding so hurriedly wrote (which was abit true) and insincere. but still we did what we wanted to, to show our sympathy to the loved ones left behind.
cause reading the reports, watching the news and most of all, reading the blog set up by his friends in memory of him (www.rememberingjerbroni.blogspot.com), could really make me feel the lost of a friend.
but i must say, they died in honour. they died with an impact that affected all Singaporeans. and most of all, they had company. haha it may sound stupid. but i believe in afterlife, so at least they have each other in the other world, will not feel so lost as a 'newbie'.
it's sad to hear how much their loved ones yearn for them, how much their friends and family remembered them to be. it's always sad to hear someone pass away, and their loved ones are people that you know of. they're grieving, but you know nothing can make them feel better. it's not like any other woes. it needs to be dealt with alone.

that day i was around dee's house, and i popped by. wahaha...i love her house! did i tell you? hurr. cause you got a big BIG room all by yourself. a room so big it's like a one room flat alone. hahh. and that's her FIDO. a puppy that loves to roll about on the floor. it's so cute to see him play by itself! but dee doesn't seem to be a very avid dog lover. haha...one day we must bring both dogs together!! ok??

watched a R21 movie ytd! whoops. it's not thattttttt explicit lar. not sexually arousing or something. it's a comedy: the heartbreak kid. then we went lunar in clark quay, listened to chinese livebands performed. the crowd there scares me a lil, they're so rowdy. and with alchohol around, it makes them scarier. check out the black stockings. lol. i finally could find a chance to wear it. (:

school days.

2007-11-24T18:44:00.000+08:00

reading back on my old entries, i feel like the past months were blurry.
feel like what i'd written in august was so fresh in my memory,
it cld have been posted just yesterday.
nothing changed for me.
or so it seemed.
and im surprised that we're into november now.
that means august was 3 months ago.
why did entries in august feel so recent?
there really isnt any significance anymore.
by that i mean,
no memorable days,
no memorable dates.
everyday's the same.
sometimes my spirits lift abit,
sometimes im back to that depressing soul.
if living the moment means feeling this way,
then i was greatly mistaken.

ytd night was a wasted night.
i imagined a chill out night with lotsa conversations, catching ups and abit of alcohol.
but it became another way round.
i HAD to stop drinking.
why doesn't anyone listen to me?
i HAD to leave at 1130 so i cld catch the last train home.
but noone listened to me.
i ended up looking like a drunkard fool.
although i was still conscious and thinking straight,
only that i babbled anything that came to my mind,
and i sat on the floor with my skirt so i cld feel better.
ugly sight.
thanks man **** lee,
it's all your 2 bottles of champagne fault.
hmph.
but not to discredit him,
he sent us home, safe and sound.
owells.

yes the blame's all on you, akon.

2007-11-19T14:14:00.000+08:00

watch the video..
now i know what akon meant in his song.

I’m sorry for the hand that she was dealt
For the embarrassment that she felt
Just a little young girl trying to have fun
Her daddy should never let her out that young
I’m sorry for Club Zen getting shut down
I hope they manage better next time around
How was I to know she was underage
In a 21 and older club they say

Why doesn’t anybody wanna take blame
Verizon backed out disgracing my name
I’m just a singer trying to entertain
Because I love my fans I’ll take that blame
Even though the blame’s on you [3x]
I’ll take that blame from you

even if it's an over 21 party, whatever he did to her on stage is revolting.
he just threw her around and humped her in front of everyone.
gosh, some people says it's just dirty dancing.
that looked like akon was just tryin to satisfy his own lust, instead of having fun with the girl.
and he said he was taking the blame cause he loves his fan.
he's just trying to make himself noble in that song,
so that people pity him.
ah,
the disgusting world outside now.

angela ammons

2007-11-14T00:28:00.000+08:00

Was it not enough stimulation
Hit by a brick the other day, just when I thought that I'm okay
You didn't like myyyyy conversation
I can't come up with something new
It doesn't really matter what I do

So here's my observation
You could never see it through my eyes
And I'm too tired to try

So don't call and say you're coming back for me
It don't mean nothing I'm always getting over you
And don't lie and say you're over me
It don't mean nothing I'm always getting over you

Was it too much aggravation
You're telling me the way but I won't see
Then I change my mind you disagree

I used to be your inspiration
You chase I run you disappear
I know it's never over

dead blog, dead life.

2007-11-11T15:15:00.000+08:00

ive no idea why the song is titled 'simon'.
perhaps it held meanings for the singer..
but it's a very beautiful song.
lifehouse is great.

Jason is gorgeous...ahhh.
i want to marry him.
wahaha....wat?
im not 20 years old...
just a 16 year old crazy teeenager.
(:

seriously, a fantasy sometimes seems so much nicer and makes me much more happier than reality.

i miss the old trigger happy times.
drawing a smile with e tinge of nostalgia,
that makes me wonder if they're gone forever,
or just tenporarily missing.
everything's changing,
everybody's changing.
nothing stays the same.