for all those with best friends
extracts from The Accidental Mother by Rowan Coleman.
Summary: Sophie is a career woman intent on getting her promotion to the top. Until one day she received news from a social worker, that her best friend passed away, and she was named the guardian of her children during their christening. Her first few days of being a nanny to them were purely to fulfill her love towards Carrie, whilst at the same time trying to locate the children's natural father, Louis so that she can get her normal life back, without jeopardising her chance of promotion. But overtime, the things she cared for changed, and it changed her life for good.
Chapter 8"Since the moment Tess Andrew had walked into her office Sophie had barely allowed herself a moment to think about Carrie, partly because she felt she didn't have the room or time yet to grieve or to miss her, but also because she was afraid that when the dust settled she might find out she felt nothing at all, or else not nearly enough for the death of a friend who had once meant everything to her. But in that moment Sophie felt everything that Bella was feeling and she knew that somewhere inside her feelings for Carrie must still live, because otherwise there was no way she would have responded to Bella in the way she did. And knowing that, she felt her attachment to the children increased by one more fragile strand, because Bella was showing her a reflection of herself. A picture that made sense."Chapter 17"Sophie ran her thumb along the edge of Carrie's face and was surprised to feel a rush a tears build up behind her eyes. She closed them and took a deep breath. She hadn't cried for Carrie yet, she hadn't had time to, and in all the chaos and confusion she had almost forgotten that she had loved her once. Despite their distance she knew that if she had walked into a room and found Carrie there, not only would she have been delighted to see her but they would never have stopped talking and laughing until it was time to go. Sophie had taken their friendship for granted, and now she realised she would never again walk into a room and see Carrie there."Chapter 22"As Louis studied the photo, his profile hidden by his hair, Sophie felt herself take a deep, sharp, reflexive breath and in that moment she realised: Carrie really was gone.It was being here, so nearly close to her, almost engulfed by the space her absence made.She really was dead, because if she wasn't here in this house - in this life that Sophie had subconciously imagined for her even when she didn't give it a second thought from day to day - then she wasn't anywhere. Sophie felt her eyes sting....Sophie closed the toilet lid and sat on it. She took deep and steady breaths and tried to focus her mind, but the tears came, slow and hot. Her shoulders shook and her breath juddered, and she felt Carrie's death keenly in the centre of her chest, as if a small but vital part of herself had been ripped out.'Don't you dare cry.' she whispered to herself. 'Not now.' Furiously she brushed away her tears with the heel of her hand, repeating the process after every blink - but still they did not stop. Somehow, as if crying had improved her vision, she saw everything in the bathroom with startling clarity. A pair of gold hoop earrings gleaming in the soap dish, an opened box of Tampax half-concealed by the side of the lavatory. A bra, once hand-washed and long ago hung across the shower-curtain rail to drip dry, now stiff and dusty. Sophie wept even harder.She hadn't anticipated this. She had expected to be the strong one, there to support the children and even Louis too if he needed it. But here she was weeping, crying like she never had before, even when her father had died. Sophie had begun to believe that she would never grieve for her friend. But instead she had picked the worst tine of all to crumple and be weak - crying for Carrie but also crying for herself.Sophie cried because she missed her, but she also cried for all the things she had lost before Carrie's death. Her father, her childhood. Her friendship with her mother. Her sense of self. Her courage and adventurous spirit. The things that losing Carrie had somehow given back to her, one by one."
updated at 4:31 PM.
