Me.heart.U

Thursday, June 28, 2007

For him.

I did not allow myself the luxury to feel the loss. After 1 month, i felt fine. All i could think of was how stressed out i was by exams. After 2 months, I only wanted to tell myself i've moved on. and there was no turning back. i would be okay on my own. Now it has been nearly 3 months passed, everything started to creep in.

I feel like i will never feel the same with anyone anymore. and i actually came to learn that the feeling will be irreplaceable. there are still so much to learn and feel. I started remembering many things. and, i don't really want to say this. but it really shows something. i have been tearing every night ever since last thur, when you called. i know it's abit late. and nothing compared to yours. i went to that playground opposite my place, and sat on the swing. it held memories way back since i was in sec 1. when me and piggy would go there at times when we wanted to talk. or sing. when we were stressed from school. when we needed to solve problems. there used to have 2 of them. but one was replaced by a senior citizen corner. i hope the other will remain as long as i live. when we went, it was still sandy. and you would try to wipe the place clean for me before we sit, chat and stare at the starry sky. now it's replaced by rubber flooring. finally huh? u were right, many things became better, but they're of no use anymore. you got your license. you lost weight. it's after exams, it's holidays.

I started doing somethings i never did before. i started drinking milk in the nights. although i've always liked it, but i was always too lazy to get it. I started liking bookstores. I want to read more books. You used to think i was just accompanying you, and i let you continue your assumption. you never believe in what i say anyway. I started doing things by my own. I went to apply for the UOB campus card finally. not relying on anyone to accompany me. i go for swims on my own. im trying to think of a way to sell my printer currently, cause i signed up for yahoo auction but realised i need a credit card and a debit card is no use. I went to Samsung service centre on my own. i need a new phone btw. that phone's beyond repair. i signed up to a new job agency and called them up today too. all these, i used to be able to rely on you to remind me. or even do for me. oh, i searched for new songs on my own too. well, that i've always pretty much done on my own. but you would always send me your own 'types', which were nice AT TIMES. hah. what else? shopping... no constant shopping partner now as well. so much has changed. and i only feel it now. guess it'll never be the same huh. that is what i mean by "it's not the same with him." that night i talked to you. you took it positively.

well... i'm stubborn. call me stubborn and willful. i believe in instincts and feelings. destiny will has its way round us. cause we're still so young. we shall say goodbye for now, shall we? take care.

updated at 12:29 AM.