Me.heart.U

Monday, November 13, 2006

musings

the weather's chilly recently. my hands are cold the whole of today. that's why i still need a long sleeved cardigan despite wearing long sleeve top. just explaining to some who might not ustand it. hah. ooo im finally blogging abt everyday crap. its been a long while.

u know dishwalla really rocks. its better than oasis. it's now on par with jay chou music in my ipod. aha. need ta thank barry fer the further discovery of dishwalla's music. i did not give enough time for their music previously. yups.

had src meeting again.. it's gettin real..boring? i dont want to say anything bad abt it here. cause u nv know who might be reading this public journal. and cause i just found out recently im actually linked from a friend's blog(i think i might have been linked for ages alr) who's linked to another friend in my school. and this friend, has quite a large circle of common friends with me. so there. on the other hand, my blog gave me the impression that i can count with 1 hand how many pp reads it. oh wells. back to the topic. boring src hasnt entirely got to do with the people inside, but rather a mixture of what i want and what they have i guess. the initial fun factor wore off, quite tremendously i guess. and baby noticed it even before i do. (: i just want to have people around me i can sit around grandstand and enjoy the wind with. enjoy the silence and the musings. maybe even the complaints abt sch, life. and fucked up pp. haha. i don't know how i got to do that in cj so much, come to think abt it. maybe i just miss the pathetic track and the grandstand. cause gg to sim is like living in 4 walls. with even the most scenic koi garden surrounded by 4 tall walls. the little after school entertainments became meaningless after a while. laughing with people who can be funny. or simply patronising people who are not so funny. listening or talking about stuffs that don't really matter. worrying if im studying enough for the week. now the dread feeling increases the more i thought abt going for 2 more sports activities that i somehow got involved in just cause i said 'oh ok just join lor' some weeks back. not another superficial laughing session?

sometimes i really wonder what do all the new friends i made in sim think abt me. not in a self-concious way. rather, im concerned with portraying a wrong impression. its true i like to laugh. dun mind having a lil fun and being talkative and excited at times. cause i just simply like the feeling of being happy. but i dun like being treated as somebody who'll be easy to push ard. think you can say less silly things than i do. there's this permanant mask that i have on now that's hard to remove. its been awhile now that its become an instinct to just smile back or laugh things off. or just nodding my head. maybe i just like to give in and avoid unneccessary unhappiness. as it started out initially. and now it's hard to break the habit. with anyone. maybe im just a lil weary of superficial socialising. cant find a deep connection with friends for a long while. even when i held hopes that i could with old pals during gatherings, there were few instances. it's always chattings going about. ji ji ji.....hahaa. i could do with keeping quiet more nowadays.

updated at 9:15 PM.