Saturday, January 02, 2016
2016 New Year Resolutions
Review of 2015
Cliché as it is, giving time to review and set goals for the new year reminds me of the past and to actually make sure I know what I want to achieve.
For a start, how about addressing the past 3 years gap in no new year resolutions, not to mention the absence of any posts?
Summarising the events of the missing years:
2012 - The end of a long, long rls in July, and the start of everything new. Best concerts (Jason Mraz, Fun next year.), best New Year countdown (Bali), period of exploration and meeting new people, spending a lot of time with similarly single friends, basically holding hope for someone/something that didn't happen. I did many things that I enjoy, I found life through new lens. The love for many things started then: Rooftops, Bali, Concerts, Guitar, Travelling Solo (need to do more of this), the Hipster attitude. I must have lost a friend that year too.
[25: Travelled to Vietnam with the boys]
2013 - Left the old job and started a hectic, hectic new job in Havas. This must be the main reason for not having the time and mental space to sit down and think through my life for the next 2 years. It was all work and all the people and events at work from then.
[26: Travelled to Europe with siblings and Korea with Shufang]
2014 - I went for a new relationship. I've never regretted it since. :)
[27: Travelled to US with girls]
2015 - I left Havas, joined Google in July. Best thing that happened to me since I joined Havas. Oh wait, second to meeting J. Everything that happened in Havas was honestly... torturous most of the time. It's like life wants me to go through 2 years of storm before it gives me the rainbow and pot of gold after. When I look back and think about the age I'm in now, I do feel that some people had it easier and younger than I did. Ended 2015 with so much partying in Google, the memorable time I have in Google are actually all the partying and less the work.
[28: Travelled to Tokyo twice, and Hokkaido with J]
This new year - 2016:
So I did not have a NY resolution for the past years. I think I must have wished really badly for a Europe trip to happen in 2013, which it happened. But I did not see the person I wanted to see. Maybe I stopped writing lists since then since nothing is worth living for anymore (kidding).
I'm turning 29 and I want to F***ing make every year count from now on. I don't want to waste my youth. And I'm old enough to make life decisions that I have to be accountable for when I'm old and grey. Plus, there really isn't much excuses anymore, I've had the time and freedom at Google now to make sure I achieve more than what I do at work.
All the wishes and dreams I once held, to build a business, to own a site, to pick up guitar or cooking properly, I've never achieved them fully. It's a pattern and I can definitely see it now. I give up all the time. I didn't have faith that I will be able to do them. And I fell back to being comfortable with being mediocre. Damn. All the lofty ambitions and talk about making a change in the world.
This year, I must have a more well-balanced life. I must live life passionately.
1) To be a creator. To write a book or a song. Draw inspirations from travels and people that I meet.
And that's it. I could continue with how I need to get my life in order, making proper travel plans, saving XX amount by end of the year so I'm still able to get a property of my own, mastering Guitar for real (and I really do want to), and doing something nice for my family and J. But let's just be laser-focus and actually achieving something this year that I will be proud of by the time I'm 29.
Cliché as it is, giving time to review and set goals for the new year reminds me of the past and to actually make sure I know what I want to achieve.
For a start, how about addressing the past 3 years gap in no new year resolutions, not to mention the absence of any posts?
Summarising the events of the missing years:
2012 - The end of a long, long rls in July, and the start of everything new. Best concerts (Jason Mraz, Fun next year.), best New Year countdown (Bali), period of exploration and meeting new people, spending a lot of time with similarly single friends, basically holding hope for someone/something that didn't happen. I did many things that I enjoy, I found life through new lens. The love for many things started then: Rooftops, Bali, Concerts, Guitar, Travelling Solo (need to do more of this), the Hipster attitude. I must have lost a friend that year too.
[25: Travelled to Vietnam with the boys]
2013 - Left the old job and started a hectic, hectic new job in Havas. This must be the main reason for not having the time and mental space to sit down and think through my life for the next 2 years. It was all work and all the people and events at work from then.
[26: Travelled to Europe with siblings and Korea with Shufang]
2014 - I went for a new relationship. I've never regretted it since. :)
[27: Travelled to US with girls]
2015 - I left Havas, joined Google in July. Best thing that happened to me since I joined Havas. Oh wait, second to meeting J. Everything that happened in Havas was honestly... torturous most of the time. It's like life wants me to go through 2 years of storm before it gives me the rainbow and pot of gold after. When I look back and think about the age I'm in now, I do feel that some people had it easier and younger than I did. Ended 2015 with so much partying in Google, the memorable time I have in Google are actually all the partying and less the work.
[28: Travelled to Tokyo twice, and Hokkaido with J]
This new year - 2016:
So I did not have a NY resolution for the past years. I think I must have wished really badly for a Europe trip to happen in 2013, which it happened. But I did not see the person I wanted to see. Maybe I stopped writing lists since then since nothing is worth living for anymore (kidding).
I'm turning 29 and I want to F***ing make every year count from now on. I don't want to waste my youth. And I'm old enough to make life decisions that I have to be accountable for when I'm old and grey. Plus, there really isn't much excuses anymore, I've had the time and freedom at Google now to make sure I achieve more than what I do at work.
All the wishes and dreams I once held, to build a business, to own a site, to pick up guitar or cooking properly, I've never achieved them fully. It's a pattern and I can definitely see it now. I give up all the time. I didn't have faith that I will be able to do them. And I fell back to being comfortable with being mediocre. Damn. All the lofty ambitions and talk about making a change in the world.
This year, I must have a more well-balanced life. I must live life passionately.
1) To be a creator. To write a book or a song. Draw inspirations from travels and people that I meet.
And that's it. I could continue with how I need to get my life in order, making proper travel plans, saving XX amount by end of the year so I'm still able to get a property of my own, mastering Guitar for real (and I really do want to), and doing something nice for my family and J. But let's just be laser-focus and actually achieving something this year that I will be proud of by the time I'm 29.
updated at 1:23 AM.
Saturday, July 18, 2015
Week 1, week 2 and counting
End of week 2 and it's a long weekend, nice.
Hate to name this, but it'll be funny when I read back on my diary log of weekly events.
End of week 1: There's no work yet, just keep it that way and don't try to rush into over-worrying and stress myself unnecessary. Rejected a few kind invitations to hang out after work, need to get used to actually having a life after working hours.
Motivation to work: Oh my god I want to eat the breakfast.
End of week 2: Information overload at how much administrative and logistic work there is here. There is information dump on me - but I've been pretty well-trained to process information quickly from the "old days". Should be fine and it's now all about execution. And keeping track of everything. Still meeting very interesting people outside of the core team, and loving it. Trying to befriend my core team in my own small, and awkward ways.
Motivation to work: Just need to absorb and learn as much as possible. Cleared the damn certification.
Week 3: Motivation to work: Can't wait to get my hands dirty with the actual work. ;)
Hate to name this, but it'll be funny when I read back on my diary log of weekly events.
End of week 1: There's no work yet, just keep it that way and don't try to rush into over-worrying and stress myself unnecessary. Rejected a few kind invitations to hang out after work, need to get used to actually having a life after working hours.
Motivation to work: Oh my god I want to eat the breakfast.
End of week 2: Information overload at how much administrative and logistic work there is here. There is information dump on me - but I've been pretty well-trained to process information quickly from the "old days". Should be fine and it's now all about execution. And keeping track of everything. Still meeting very interesting people outside of the core team, and loving it. Trying to befriend my core team in my own small, and awkward ways.
Motivation to work: Just need to absorb and learn as much as possible. Cleared the damn certification.
Week 3: Motivation to work: Can't wait to get my hands dirty with the actual work. ;)
updated at 1:56 PM.
Monday, July 06, 2015
New work at Google
This monumental moment in my life deserves a blog post. Not the moment I got an interview, not the moment I received my offer letter, not my last day at Havas, but just the night (actually morning) before my first day at work at Google. As much as I will hate to appear and give off the vibe that I am a starry-eyed, fresh face newbie at Google, because it just diminishes all the wisdom and experience I've accumulated before I got here, I have a feeling it will be hard to hide my newbie enthusiasm once I'm in the office, making connections with all the (potential) bright minds around me. In retrospect, this may not be a bad thing at all, since newbie enthusiasm does create things that a jaded old bird will not be able to do so.
Which brings me to the most important points I want to make in this post, as an eternal reminder to myself for as long as I'm employed in Google.
1) Remember your purpose here
- This role will be my stepping stone towards product marketing, which gives me opportunity to create or shape products within the technology space. Hence, always keep this in mind and even if I would be stuck doing things that I may not enjoy in the current role, know that as long as I excel in this role, there is a higher chance of moving towards my goal of product marketing.
- Remember why this job have been so perfect for me, not only because I had always worked towards Google or any technology giant firms, but also that finally I will be able to achieve a work-life balance. I truly believe work-life balance is as vague and relative as someone defines it. To me, there's really no 9-6 work time and the rest is non-work. Work is so integrated into our lives (or mine) that it makes more sense to think about work-life balance as - 9 to 6 committed to daily operational work that requires working with people, after 6 to have freed up time where there is a choice between taking time off to rest and invest in my own life, or simply to work on non-operational, bigger picture work that solves bigger problems.
2) Do not forget your past
- What had I struggled with when I was running digital campaigns for clients when I was in Havas? Number 1 comes to mind has always been the justification of digital campaign performances and weak showcasing and benchmarking done. Number 2 enemy will be weak reporting format and data warehouse dashboarding for clients.
3) Always be connected and plugged into the bigger advertising world
- With digital always fast-moving, will digital budget on Google actually starts shifting towards social media, which currently is unfavourable to Google? Other than keeping any eye on the obvious upcoming platforms like Instagram, or Snapchat, Meerkat, Periscope etc., I will also need to understand all the fundamental reasons for campaigns budget not being on Google (Search if you may) and help to derive any sort of technical insights that may help push for enhancement and even new advertising products in Google. I may find this difficult while I'm in DS team as my attention and focus needs to be achieving sales target for DS only, but remembering my bigger goal at Google (Point 1) will help me to stay on track for this one. Otherwise, all my experience and technical insights from my days in Havas will be down the drain.
It's 2am, will write more if there're any more wisdoms I need to impart to my future self.
Good luck to me for tomorrow!
Which brings me to the most important points I want to make in this post, as an eternal reminder to myself for as long as I'm employed in Google.
1) Remember your purpose here
- This role will be my stepping stone towards product marketing, which gives me opportunity to create or shape products within the technology space. Hence, always keep this in mind and even if I would be stuck doing things that I may not enjoy in the current role, know that as long as I excel in this role, there is a higher chance of moving towards my goal of product marketing.
- Remember why this job have been so perfect for me, not only because I had always worked towards Google or any technology giant firms, but also that finally I will be able to achieve a work-life balance. I truly believe work-life balance is as vague and relative as someone defines it. To me, there's really no 9-6 work time and the rest is non-work. Work is so integrated into our lives (or mine) that it makes more sense to think about work-life balance as - 9 to 6 committed to daily operational work that requires working with people, after 6 to have freed up time where there is a choice between taking time off to rest and invest in my own life, or simply to work on non-operational, bigger picture work that solves bigger problems.
2) Do not forget your past
- What had I struggled with when I was running digital campaigns for clients when I was in Havas? Number 1 comes to mind has always been the justification of digital campaign performances and weak showcasing and benchmarking done. Number 2 enemy will be weak reporting format and data warehouse dashboarding for clients.
3) Always be connected and plugged into the bigger advertising world
- With digital always fast-moving, will digital budget on Google actually starts shifting towards social media, which currently is unfavourable to Google? Other than keeping any eye on the obvious upcoming platforms like Instagram, or Snapchat, Meerkat, Periscope etc., I will also need to understand all the fundamental reasons for campaigns budget not being on Google (Search if you may) and help to derive any sort of technical insights that may help push for enhancement and even new advertising products in Google. I may find this difficult while I'm in DS team as my attention and focus needs to be achieving sales target for DS only, but remembering my bigger goal at Google (Point 1) will help me to stay on track for this one. Otherwise, all my experience and technical insights from my days in Havas will be down the drain.
It's 2am, will write more if there're any more wisdoms I need to impart to my future self.
Good luck to me for tomorrow!
updated at 2:02 AM.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Betrayal
It's just too overwhelming. How can she, how can anyone just say sorry then walk away from someone's hurt and disappointment and pretend nothing happened. This is like deja vu and I remember all the times I hated her for the exact same things she do to me. No matter at what age. No matter how long time passed. I love her for how she can see through me and make me understand myself and my actions when I'm confused. I love how she says the right things to make me feel better when I needed someone. But I had to draw myself away from this love because of all the times she had put all else above me and disappointed me when I want and need her. And she can just walk away from it all. Everytime. Why do I forget all these and let her back to my heart again? I should never have let this happen. Why did I always make sure she gets the best moment on her most important day in her life, her 18th birthday, her pre-wedding birthday and her hen's night. Not her 21st birthday because I remember something like this happened right before that and I never want to put my heart into her life anymore. Now I forget all and I even shed a tear or two when she said "I do", because in my mind I remember when we were just 13 when we became best friends and she's now somebody's wife. Please.. let this post be an eternal reminder never to put my heart into trusting her anymore. Never.
updated at 11:49 PM.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Titanic after 15 years
It was released in 1997, Counting back, I was only 10 when I watched it. Titanic left such a huge impact on me that I never really know if it truly is my first movie watched in the theaters, or that any other earlier shows simply faded away in my memory. Given how young I was, it probably really is my first movie. This could also be the reason it remains as my favourite movie of all time and no other shows replaced it in my heart. My first love and it rightly remains so. The emotional roller coaster experienced when the ship hit the iceberg, the tragedy when everyone starts dying, the heartbreak when there is a promise that will never be fulfilled when Rose could not wake Jack up...
I also vaguely remember it was my father who took me to watch the show. It was a huge blockbuster at that time. I saw the trailer on TV and posters everywhere. I later read how people could watch it 7 times at the theatre, but once was enough for me. Significantly, it was not the positive feedbacks that made me watch the show, it was the cinematography that conveyed the grandeur of the film. There were no other shows like that.
Subsequently, I watched it on TV again and taped it down. I bought the pirated VCD and watched it the 3rd time. I don't think I ever watched the whole show again on my 2nd and 3rd watch, it was always the first 1 and half hour before the ship sinks. I could not stand to go through the tumultuous and chaotic scenes again. Therefore rewatching it on theatre this time, I had new understandings of what happened. Things I did not know when I was 10. Like, how the lifeboats had to row further away from the ship when it goes down, otherwise they could get sucked in. Also, Jack's continuous belief and encouragement to Rose that they will be saved. How he made her promise him she will die an old woman, warm in her bed. This is a man with nothing to his name, but everything a woman needs.
I had been diving into Steve Jobs autobiography recently. And I made a link between both: reality distortion field works in a largely positive way, to bend will and make the impossible possible simply because of a strong belief. Both Jack and Steve Jobs (pardon the unlikely comparison) believe in making things work their way. Both believe in the journey and not the ending. And both died, but left a gaping hole in people's hearts.
Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you
That is how I know you go on
Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're gone
Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
You're here, there's nothing I fear
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
updated at 11:44 AM.
Sunday, January 01, 2012
It's 2012 already?
How was it that my 2011 new year post felt like it was written just say, 1 week ago? My admiration for Jason Mraz and his way of life still resonates with me with 'freshness'. Even though it's hard to follow him since he shut down his blog midway through the year.
Happy Now Year, because "new" has a future connotation to it and we live in the present. (: Today is 2012 new year's day, let me add on to his statement: Happy Now & New Year, here's wishing everything that will happen for the next 365 days will be new and sparkly, living life for the moment - now, and still see life through a baby's eyes - new, never losing appreciation for life.
I thought hard of what should my new year resolutions be. But I figured that I have to look back and see if I have accomplished my past year's resolutions before making new ones. Found my little notebook. Here was what I wrote (rephrased):
2010:
1) Finished sewing classes
2) Have $X in my bank account
3) Own a shopping site
4) Wear braces
5) added in may - quit my job in schroders and start website
Sadly, all I did was 2) and 5). Then 2011 came too soon.
2011:
1) Do lasik and braces
2) Work in ecommerce firm + study php
3) New skincare for anti-ageing
4) Own a website
I STILL did not do braces and own a website. If I haven't written them down, I would not realise that it has been 2 years and I have not gotten down to doing something I set out to do. What was stopping me? Anyways, I did complete 2) and 3), and also half of 1) which is lasik. I guess working in an ecommerce firm would be the more major 'achievement' for me in 2011. If fact, an internet marketing firm is better than an ecommerce firm. I had started out aiming to progress and be promoted by the end of the year.
I studied hard and worked hard to prove myself. Sep through to Nov, I thought I was not coping so well anymore. I was neglecting some part of my work because I became too swamped and caught up with a certain aspect of work. Felt frustrated and even dreaded work. Then came my 1 week break to NZ. Dec was a good month as things slowed down, people going off on annual leaves and the festive mood all around. I need to reorganise myself at work and make better decisions so that I can spend time on more important things. Regardless, I took home 'best improvement in Q3' and company gave out bonus and all, so I guess it's a tiny tick on my list to be recognised by the end of the year. I just need to do better than my last quarter in this new year.
With all said, it's time to write my 2012 list. So here goes -
1) Braces??/ Holiday
2) Website.
3) Upgrade myself - finished the 4 books recommended by company
4) Learn Guitar - added after
5) Pick up new hobby/sport - added after
My list just becomes shorter and shorter... I think these 3 would occupy me for a year if I really set out to do them. I'm half-hearted for braces, cause it's either braces or a holiday... and I really will love to go back NZ... although they really are mutually exclusive and the satisfaction cannot be compared with one another.
Looking back, 2011 could be one of my best year. I had a smooth sailing time relationship wise, I learnt new things and I am actually progressing instead of still finding a direction in life. Such that I found time and passion for other things in life periodically through the year, taking up and liking kickboxing, experiencing a rock concert with my fav rock band LP, read and got d
rawn into twilight the book, watched and fell in love with the korean drama 'Secret Garden' which spurred me to learn guitar afterwards so I can play a piece for bf's birthday. Even the May GE had me very involved emotionally, and became one of the common talking point with people. These OOTM (obsession of the moment) as I coined it, enrich my life and adds spontaneity.
Many first times this year, other than the above mentioned, I attended a social fashion party which led me to go gaga over the amazingly humorous and boyish george young for almost a week (if any girl hasn't experience being swept off her feet by meeting a new guy, then it's an experience worth keeping a lookout for), I skydive in NZ, I conquered my fear and went for Lasik in the start of the year, I even got so drunk and still went to work after 3-4 hrs of slp on a weekday in april/ma, still very much intoxicated. I begun meeting and working with director-level clients. Life has taken a whole new meaning for me this year, which I could not experience in my entire schooling life because I was too comfortable just being a student, and not being a very good one either. I even had a change in taste for music, all my life since I start indulging in music, using music as a safe haven, suddenly music is just music and do not resonates so much with my emotional level anymore. Maybe I grew out of my teenage angst and emotions. I feel better with quiet and chill-out songs when I need some noise. I believe the genre is 'indie'.
So much changed and happened in 2011.. I wonder what 2012 holds for me. Most importantly, I hope that I live through everyday of the year and continue to feel thankful for the life that is given to me. I want to still see the world change and evolve around me. I want to do even better in 2012.
With renewed hopes and energy, may the best has yet to come.
updated at 6:28 PM.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
New job with online marketing
I was paranoid for a second.
I google searched my name and was thankful and relieved to see that my blog did not appear on the 1st 2 pages of google. Although I have made it public a while back cause I've nothing private that I will be ashamed of or want to hide anymore, but...
I'm in an internet marketing company. Where:
- I have 3 bosses whose age is the same as my brother's.
- On my first day I had to give them my msn and facebook.
- I attend training classes whereby my trainer talks about google search and how out of 10 internet users, 8 starts their session from a search engine. (and google takes up a huge pie of it, about 70%)
- I am taught how to study keywords that people type on search bar. study analyse and come up with all kinds of combinations and variations i can think of.
So can't blame me for being paranoid that any of my bosses would have already google searched me.. if they have.. Hi!! Rest assured I am still aware that anything published in the web is public and I will not hide behind the computer screen and have a false sense of security that my words will be hidden from the rest of the world... (although I have always felt so. and lesson #38.2312: if you are not visible, you are invisible on the web)
Decided to blog today cause, firstly, i reached home at 715 and i have been knocking off at 6. love it and not used to it. maybe dislike it a little cause i haven done any proper work 5 days into the job. only because company is giving me time for training which is good but i feel weird not rushing into office first thing in the morning, switch on my pc, check my thousands of emails and clear my inbox, and having my ass glued to the seat till lunch or even for the rest of the day. secondly, i reread my jan post which wasnt too long ago, but i feel like a different person from then already. Then, i was jobless. Zero personal growth unless you count reading marketing and programming books. and thinking up of how to make my dream a reality. Now, i met someone (my trainer and mentor) at work who is intellectual and funny at the same time. just when i had lamented in the previous post that there isn't someone like that around me. who can influence me positively. i think it's just pure luck and fortune that i get to train and know someone like that. someone with a wealth of knowledge that i always feel like i should stand by my notebook and pen whenever he starts to speak. even casually over lunch. i'll be good if i have 1% of his wisdom.
i have many books to read. i will have discipline and digest them one by one.. i swear to make good use of my time, cause i'm trading time for money. more time, less money.
when i feel the heartache of my paycut, i will read and enrich myself.
updated at 10:36 PM.
